Photo by Geoff Carter
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports the keeper on one of his “trips,” imagining how it might have turned out if, back when the earliest wolves and humans first began hanging out around the same campfires, just how it would have evolved if the wolves instead of the humans had ended up with the brain power to develop such things as the wheel and selective breeding which has given us wolf-descendant dogs of infinite variety.
If the wolves instead of humans had been in the breeding labs, would they have used their intelligence and breed-tinkering abilities to develop ridiculously tiny humans for cuddling purposes, or tall lanky ones with long legs so they could run fast enough to catch a rabbit while the wolves placed bets on just which one it would be? Would there be big muscular humans who live to torment other critters, and would we have countless stray human mutts roaming the streets and looking for trouble?
Possibly the wolves might have used their selective breeding sophistication to develop humans with the laid-back dispositions that would have them lying on the couch all day except to get up to eat and make a trip outside on the end of a wolf-controlled leash.
There would obviously need adjustment in the game of fetch with enthusiastic humans of every description doing the fetching. Maybe a wad of ten-dollar bills would be substituted for the tennis ball.
It is the keeper’s contention that evolution has positioned the wolves on a preferred rung of the ladder and they will be staying there until one of their not-housebroken human hounds comes down with rabies and has to be put away.
Phyllis says it could happen, and she advises the keeper to be a “good boy” until it does!
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