Kickass and Old Age Demonstrations by Bill Stokes

Attribution: NASA/Carla Thomas, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, will be attending the family gathering today to mark the keeper’s 95^th birthday, and suggests that maybe too much is being made of one number in a series that the keeper plans to keep going until decency returns to the White House or the cows come home, whichever comes first.

Recently, the keeper and Phyllis have noted examples of really old people doing really questionable things to show that…..well, to show that they can still do them and, in the keeper’s opinion, that they could use some counseling. There was the lady in her 90’s pole vaulting to land flat on her back with a smile, another who went skydiving at 100, and then there was the 90-plus guy who hiked the entire length of the Appalachian Trail.

The keeper has been trying to come up with a similar action to show that he can do to demonstrate that his advanced age is not a deterrent to his physical abilities, nor his capacity for being a damn fool.

The best he can do is plan to sit as still as possible in his recliner and pass himself off as a teenager enthralled by a lecture from a traffic cop, a school principal or a parent, all of which the keeper has experienced.

Phyllis does not lecture, but sometimes she suggests that the keeper move out of his recliner to prevent atrophy.

Maybe the keeper should think about going to his family birthday party today in his “birthday” suit!

That would be an old-age attention getter for sure, but there would be too much shock risk to the great grandchildren.