Attribution: Morning Oregonian, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, napped as the keeper and Phyllis listened to the televised debate among the five candidates competing to represent the Democrats in the coming gubernatorial election.
As he napped, Kickass dreamed that he was a candidate for dog catcher and was spewing the following line: “On the very first day as your official dog catcher I will free all tethered and caged dogs to chase cats and cars, dig in flower beds and scare hell out of the mailman!
“Rest assured that a vote for me means that your bowl will be provided with fresh red meat on a daily basis and if there is any delay in your necessary outdoor routine you can make territory on a corner of the couch.
“For far too long the game of fetch as controlled by the Republicans had had the wrong party running after the tennis ball and once I am in office that will be reversed so that dogs will sit and wait while their humans senselessly and endlessly chase whatever is thrown out for them to fetch.”
“A vote for me will bring dog catching out of the dark ages and finally answer the old question of WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?
“It was me and for that reason I ask for your vote in the coming election.”
Phyllis accused the keeper of dozing off toward the end of the TV debate, and it might have happened. If so, he woke up feeling as if he had a tennis ball in his mouth and still not sure who to vote for.
