Kickass and Barn Talk by Bill Stokes

Attribution: DonkeyHotey, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, works with the keeper to explain “barn talk” under the terms of which the POTUS, during his recent stop in a Wisconsin barn, totally lost his cool and said he hated everybody except himself.

Having grown up in a community where “barn talk” was not only common but necessary for a healthy mental life, the keeper recalls many instances where “barn talk” more or less saved the day, on occasion advancing to “barn shouting” if the situation called for it.

“Barn talk” most often resulted from an unexpected occurrence–a cow accidentally stepping on the barn talker’s foot or a cat falling into a milk pail. The resulting barn talk then was brief, loud and most often profane.

Meaningful “barn talk” can also be transferred “house talk,” usually in the form of an unresolved difference of opinion whereby the barn talker restates his case by shouting its details to the cows.

An inexperienced barn talker, as was the POTUS’s case, would be well advised to keep his mouth shut and recognize the fact that barns no longer house bulls and that end of things is all done through AI–that’s “Artificial Insemination.”

Barns today obviously are much different than they were in the keeper’s day. For one thing they contain no genuine bullshit except on the occasions of rare POTUS visits.

So goes the “barn talk” for June 9, 2026!