Attribution: Alchemist-hp (talk) (www.pse-mendelejew.de), FAL, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports the keeper following Phyllis’s lead in doing some ancestry work and finding that he may be eligible for a “return-to-sender” trip to Norway.
It seems that when Great-grandpa Helgeland stepped off the boat from Norway he signed an agreement with something called “Ignorance Comes Easy or “ICE” which specified that if he didn’t learn enough profane English to tell costumed lutefisk peddlers to “get the ——off his——- farm or he would kick the living —- out of them” he would immediately be returned to Norway in exchange for several barrels of Norwegian beer.
A provision of the old ICE agreement specifies that Great grandpa’s descendants inherited all of his rights and obligations which means that the keeper can now sue himself for damages caused by irresponsible neighbors forcing lutefisk on him and his family to the point that he came to look forward to its distinctive flavor—once a year.
The keeper will be looking for an attorney who does not have ICE credentials. Meanwhile, Phyllis discovered an ancestor who brought her family respect and honor over from Ukraine.
