Illustration by Michael DiMilo
By Geoff Carter
Last week, I wrote a column about a possible brain worm epidemic in Washington, D.C. Lately, ever since Robert Kennedy, Jr. revealed that this particular parasite had eaten a part of his brain, I have been wondering if he was the only politico who is suffering from this unfortunate condition. Watching the recent behaviors of our elected representatives, I have come to the inevitable conclusion that—yes, brain worms have become a full-blown epidemic in our national capitol—and has spread to some state capitols, too (particularly Pierre, South Dakota, where puppies live in constant terror of their lives).
It seems as if government officials are particularly susceptible, as seen in my previously reported antics of the likes of Rep. Lauren Boebert, Governor Kristi Noem, Rep. Anthony Weiner, and—of course—former president Donald Trump, whose condition may very well be chronic—and congential.
Recent activity on Capitol Hill has raised concerns that these brain worms are indeed spreading and symptoms of infection, including stupidity, cluelessness, and inappropriate behaviors are becoming more and more pronounced. As seen in many dementia cases, presently infected patients seem to be regressing into increasingly childlike behaviors.
During former president Donald Trump’s hush money trial, in which he has been accused of falsifying business records to hide a payoff to porn star Stormy Daniels, members of the far-right House of Representatives Freedom Caucus showed up in the Manhattan courtroom where Trump is being tried. They—and their security details—sat and watched the proceedings, and—according to one report—giggled and pointed at certain witnesses and other spectators, much like high school sophomores in the school cafeteria. After the trial adjourned for the day, these representatives, including Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, Tommy Tuberville, Cory Mills, and others took turns at the microphone, parroting almost exactly what previous speakers, and Donald Trump, had proclaimed about the trial, saying, among other things, that the ex-president is being persecuted by a vindicative Justice Department and that he is victim of—wait for it—a witch hunt.
According to The Huffington Post, some pundits maintained that having these representatives attend the trial and then repeat Mr. Trump’s accusations and criticisms of the trial, Judge Mercha, and his daughter—which Trump had been strictly forbidden to address, per the parameters of his gag order, is a violation of that gag order.
So, like the coolest guy in high school (I know, it’s hard to imagine the ex-president in that role)—or the meanest girl in the cafeteria, Donald Trump has rallied his cohorts to spread lies, support and defend him. These MAGA Republicans seem to be doing this in a pathetically desperate attempt to curry his favor, much like high schoolers who lie and connive in order to help maintain status in their cliques—a la Mean Girls. So, when the Donald wanted someone to say something he couldn’t, he bullied these sworn government representatives into helping him to circumvent Judge Merchan’s gag order. The fact that the first group of reps who came to speak out for their leader were wearing identical suits and ties (school uniforms?—I kept flashing back to Jack and his crew in Lord of the Flies) was almost as funny as it was pathetic. I am really hoping that these behaviors are the result of a brain worm epidemic, and not symptomatic of anything more pervasive and sinister.
A House Oversight Committee meeting was held last Tuesday evening, the same day the second delegation flew to complain at Trump’s Manhattan trial. It was held that evening precisely because key members had skipped school to help their buddy at his Manhattan trial. The matter under the committee’s consideration was whether to hold Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt for refusing to turn over audio recordings of Joe Biden’s meeting with special counsel Robert Hur,
According to Philadelphia’s WPVI TV, during the hearing, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (showing all the symptoms of brain worm infection), insulted Rep. Jasmine Crockett.
Rep. Greene asked if any Democrats on the committee worked with Judge Merchan’s daughter. When Crockett asked Taylor if she knew why they were there, Greene retorted, “I don’t think you know what you’re here for … I think your fake eyelashes are messing up what you’re reading” which immediately sparked a response from Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who demanded Green’s words be taken down.
Greene replied, “Are your feelings hurt?” to which AOC replied, “Oh, girl. Baby girl. Don’t even play.”
“Baby girl? I don’t think so.”
The exchange went on for some time with Greene refusing to apologize and then making aspersions on AOC’s intelligence. Then, in a classic-type school cafeteria coup-de-grace, Crockett, again according to WPVI, asked, “I’m just curious. Just to better understand your ruling. If someone on this committee then starts talking about somebody’s bleach blonde bad built butch body, that would not be engaging in personalities, correct?”
Meow. The claws were out.
Watching Rep. Jamie Raskin and Committee Chair James Comer reacting to the exchange was not unlike seeing two freshman boys seeing a hands-off, nails-out, hair-pulling girl fight for the first time. In spite of the wholesale circus-like absurdity of the entire exchange, the expressions on their faces provided some badly needed comic relief.
It seems fairly obvious—to me, at least—that Greene has been living with a brain worm for some time, but the fact that AOC and Rep. Crockett stooped down to the ground floor level on Green’s attack was disappointing. Ms. Ocasio Cortez is passionate and sometimes fiery about her political vision and is a dedicated and intelligent legislator—as Ms. Crockett seems to be. Yet once the level of public discourse sinks to a level of the middle school playground, as demonstrated by Ms. Greene, intelligent responses seem to do little to no good. It’s hard to argue with a brain worm.
High school cliques are all about power, and so is the embarrassing behavior of congressional MAGA Republicans. Intimidated and bullied by the de fact head of the Republican Party and presumed presidential nominee, these people follow him as blindly as teenagers seeking approval and acceptance from their peer groups. Starting rumors, spreading lies, and bullying everyone else are the behaviors of children—spoiled and cruel children. To see our elected representatives acting this way is embarrassing and disgusting. It demeans our government, our institutions, and our votes.
Robert Kennedy Jr. did have an actual brain worm, a parasite that ate part of his brain. The current brain worm epidemic is not an organism. It is an idea that is much more pernicious than an actual brain worm. It is the lust for absolute power that has been spread by the ground-zero carrier, Donald Trump. Those who succumb to it lose all sense of their duties. Equality, democracy, justice, and liberty fade next to the glorious and brilliant vision of wealth, power, and acceptance.
Like most normal adolescents, these MAGAs are self-centered, insecure, and confused. But their condition is not incurable. They just have to decide to reject the great orange parasite which has taken control of their minds, hearts, and souls.
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