Kickass and Human Rental by Bill Stokes

Attribution: LMU Library, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is attempting to curb the keeper’s enthusiasm for his adoption of the Denmark plan of renting a human to hear 30 minutes of their life story.

The keeper sees the plan as a modification of his lifelong newspaper column writing with a personal touch that would see him reclined comfortably in your living room, perhaps with a social libation at hand and maybe some chips, while he regals you for 30 minutes with some utterly fascinating aspect of his life, after which he would collect his rental fee and be on his way.

An early problem is in establishing an appropriate rental fee: the keeper does not want to price himself out of the market nor does he want to infer that he is cheap.

There is little guidance in fee setting for human rental, other than the $130,000 court case now all over TV and which apparently included more than just talking.

The keeper will consult with Phyllis. She might have some suggestions for what it is worth to listen to the keeper for 30 minutes, or maybe even longer than that.