“Oscar the Elf” Photo by Geoff Carter
Kickass and Believing in Santa
Virginia O’Hanlon , Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons Kickass, the doorstop dog, joins the keeper in responding to a mysterious letter from someone named Virginia that was apparently misdirected by the USPS due to the keeper’s column-writing notoriety. “Dear Editors: “If I were still alive I would be 133 years old, and I would still be …
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Kickass and Moe’s Compliments
Photo by Phyllis Stokes By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, joins the keeper and Phyllis in appreciating Doug Moe’s Channel 3000 treatment of the keeper’s publishing of “Treeson: an Apologia to the Trees” used to print his drivel. In keeping with the off-the-wall nature of the publishing venture “Treeson” is missing most of the …
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The Pen in Hand Guide to the Movies: An Embarrassment of Scrooges
MGM, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons By Geoff Carter It’s only about a week until Christmas, and we’re into the full swing of the holiday season. Shopping, decorating, traveling, baking, wrapping, entertaining, and all the other painfully joyous activities are part of the annual hustle and bustle of the holidays, but another huge part of …
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Kickass and Methane Control
Photo by Scott Bauer (US Department of Agriculture, Agricultural Research Service)., Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, is helpless to avoid the keeper’s mind swing that takes him from the current news of feeding seaweed to cows to decrease their methane production, to his farm boy days of harnessing …
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Blue Christmas
Artwork by Michael DiMilo By Geoff Carter (Originally posted December 2020) As we were trimming the tree last weekend, my wife asked me to bring in the laptop so we could listen to Christmas music. I complied—as any trained husband will—and set up the sound system in our dining room. And so we trimmed the …
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Kickass and Automatic Santa
Heather Morey of Creative Photo, CC BY-SA 2.5, via Wikimedia Commons by Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper is apparently experiencing his own Christmas miracle as his body evolves into the unmistakable shape of Santa Claus. His increasing girth cannot have anything to do with the keeper’s intake of rich food and …
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Kickass and Country Copy
Photo by Phyllis Stokes By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that in the manner of country-copy reporting there would be the following item: “Mr. and Mrs. William Stokes enjoyed dinner Thursday at the home of Mr. Stokes’s son Michael in Sac Prairie. A delicious sauerkraut, biscuit sausage dish was served, after which Michael …
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Kickass and Little Sister
Photo by Bill Stokes By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, listens as the keeper laments the burden of being an older brother when a kid sister enters the hallowed ranks of nonagenarian as his sister Norma is doing. It seems only yesterday that he–the keeper was warning Norma about the mind set of prospective …
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Nightmare on Main Street
Artwork by Michael DiMilo By Geoff Carter As I get older, I occasionally catch myself repeating things. Maybe a story, maybe a joke, maybe a memory, maybe a point. That’s just part of aging—one of its inevitabilities. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a piece about gun violence titled What’s It Going to Take? inspired by …
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“Just Like the Ones I Used to Know”: The Pen in Hand’s Guide to Vintage Christmas Movies
Photo by Geoffrey Carter (Originally published, December 10, 2021) By Geoff Carter Well, the Christmas season is upon us in full force. The commercials are everywhere. We’ve seen that ad for the car—or Energizer Bunny, wrapped in a bow and sitting in the driveway on Christmas morning at least one hundred times. Getting ready for this holiday season, …
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Kickass and Staying Inside
NOAA Photo Library, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons By Bill Stokes Kickass the doorstop dog, joins the keeper and Phyllis in participating in that major Wisconsin winter activity of staying inside and looking out the window, which reaches new heights of enjoyment when typical miserable weather conditions prevail, like they do now. The storm that …
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