Kickass and the Lost Wedding Note by Bill Stokes

Attribution: makaiyla willis, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper and Phyllis found the following note lying on the floor near the elevator.

“Dear Gert:

“Well, Louie has done it again, we are on our way to the Taylor Swift wedding and of course we do not have an invitation. Louie says that doesn’t matter as we will at least be near the action. He says it is like when we go to the Trump events and cheer for the billionaires as if we were one of them. Louie says that gives us a sense of belonging–like a flea on a big dog’s ass, is the way one of Louie’s friends describes it.

“Incidentally, Gert, we just got a new credit card that allows us unlimited charging at the casino and of course this quieted Louie’s ranting about the high price of gas. He says now that we do not have to pay upfront for it, the price doesn’t matter.

“You may remember, Gert, that our son Jocko was in jail for stealing chickens. I am proud to tell you that he is now out on a bail program that provides him with a new car and a certificate of honorable citizenship as a poultry benefactor. Isn’t that great!

“I’ve got to go now, Gert. You know how Louie hates to be late for things and I hear him honking the horn.

“Louie insisted that we take a gift to Taylor’s wedding so I wrapped up a casserole dish that we had only used a couple of times and looked like new. Louie says Taylor is sure to like it and so will Travis.

“So long for now, Gert. See you when we get back from the wedding.

“Love and kisses, your friend Bernice.”

(The keeper and Phyllis pinned the note up on a nearby bulletin board under “lost items” and they hope it gets claimed by its rightful owner.)