Attribution: Maarten Honnebier, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, gives the keeper and Phyllis the morning off and files his personal report on activities at OLIGARCH KENNELS following the recent change in ownership from private to corporate.
*Under the provisions of the “Citizen-Mutts Sold Out” act, OLIGARCH KENNELS will be heating, cleaning and maintaining only the tall-dog quarters with the much larger mutt area considered cold storage warehouse for management purposes.
*Female mutts, otherwise referred to as bitches, will be impregnated at the pleasure of tall dogs and will continue to bear litters of puppies until OLIGARCH KENNELS management says they can stop, at which point they will be gifted to dog-eating foreign countries.
*The outbreak of rabies at OLIGARCH KENNELS is being supervised by veterinarian JFK Jr. who advises widespread biting of the mutts by the tall dogs to build essential brain-worm ignorance.
*Special super-size dog-walking bags are offered for sale by the OLIGARCH KENNELS manager who also sells bibles, wrist watches and ghost coins.
Kickass, along with much of the OLIGARCH KENNELS mutt population has removed himself from the adoption list lest he ends up in a home full of tall-dog fleas which cause itches impossible to scratch.
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