English: Staff Sgt. Clinton Firstbrook, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, aids the keeper in spreading the word that, contrary to the cliché that gravity is not a friend to the keeper’s age group, the opposite is true: it is very friendly if used properly.
Now with the return of winter, rather than venture out and give gravity an opportunity to knock you on your fanny and break something, the keeper advises using its awesome power to keep your vulnerable fanny firmly anchored in the recliner, or perhaps relaxed in bed.
Given gravity’s role in age-related sags, bags and calamity, the keeper is exploring the possibility of an alarm system that sends out the signal: “I have not fallen and I could get up if I wanted to, but I don’t want to, so just leave me alone–until April.”
