By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper’s day began with a 5 a.m. wake-up call from a robin, got a snooze signal from a crow 15 minutes later, and shortly thereafter got a get-the-hell-out-of-bed scolding from a persistent cardinal. While the keeper finds it more reassuring to document birds’ activities over human …
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Category:Humor
Kickass Peeks Behind the Mask
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports several unmasking events in the keeper’s life at the independent living quarters he shares with Phyllis. He, the keeper, was more than gratified by the unmasking to learn that it was indeed Phyllis who has been enriching his life in a thousand ways since even way before the …
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Kickass Ponders a Dandelion
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper identifies with the dandelions that have gone to seed, and thanks Mary Bellis Williams for posting the letter from a dandelion, which says many of the things the keeper agrees with. If you blow on the keeper’s fuzzy head, and make a wish, he …
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Kickass and the Good Dog
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, says if Liz Cheney were a dog in a kennel and she was up for adoption, the keeper might give her a look, even though he—the keeper, already has what he considers the perfect dog—made of cast iron and forever tuned in to “sit and stay.” It is …
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Kickass Goes Republican Birding
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, watches as the keeper applies the Republican version of truth to his bird feeding efforts by identifying visiting starlings as orioles, sparrows as goldfinches, and chickadees as eagles. Though he can see with his own eyes what plainly plumed birds are visiting his balcony feeders, the keeper sees …
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Kickass and Flat-Earth Ignorance
See page for author, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper and Phyllis, fresh from a wonderful family-filled Mother’s Day weekend, sadly acknowledge the seven people killed in the Colorado mass shooting—the 194th of the year; and note the inane Mother’s Day message from the NRA that …
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Kickass Remembers Mama
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, joins the keeper in saluting all mothers, and listening to him—the keeper, as he repeats the universal refrain that his was the best mother who—as he once wrote, would stand on two broken legs to make you a lunch so you could go fishing—on Mother’s Day. As with …
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Kickass in the Kitchen
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, says that something akin to gerrymandering is what has patterned evolution of the dog-human relationship down through the ages; and that explains how the deal that wolves made to stop eating humans in exchange for a pampered place around the campfire is kept in place by slobbery sentiment, …
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Kickass and “Easy-Open” Packaging
Jean-Etienne Minh-Duy Poirrier from Bruxelles, Belgium, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, resisting his innate inclination to chew on things, is assisting the keeper in his campaign to protect people from packaging. No stats are available on how many people are injured or even die of frustration while attempting to …
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Kickass and the NFL Draft
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, anxiously assists the keeper in correcting the assumption that he—the keeper, has been drafted to play cornerback for the Green Bay Packers: That was Eric Stokes, not keeper “Bill” Stokes, and while the keeper would be willing to give it a go, if drafted, he is pretty sure …
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Kickass Goes to the Circus
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, is not much help to the keeper as he—the keeper encourages the Republicans to get their shot of Liz Cheney truth to avoid total herd stupidity. It is hard to believe that even one occasion of the truth would be such a problem for the McCarthy-Mitch gang, but …
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Kickass and Aaron Rodgers
By Bill Stokes Kickass, the doorstop dog, is staying on the couch as the keeper grapples with the issue of Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, seen as a more serious problem by some Wisconsin residents than cheese-head hats or the price of Spotted Cow beer. The obvious solution is to give the entire state of Wisconsin …
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