Attribution: Douglas Rahden, Attribution, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports the keeper tuning in his special communication skills to eavesdrop on a conversation from the North Pole:
Santa: “Do we have any limits on the number of dolls we can deliver to one little girl?”
Elf No. 1: “No Sir. It pretty much depends on the size of the chimney you have to slide down.”
Santa: “Well, what the hell is this Santa letter from that big overgrown kid in the big White House who says two dolls are enough?
Elf No. 1: “Our file on him shows his personal record of playing with dolls is abysmal and furthermore he thinks he is the king and the Pope and you!”
Santa: “No! He actually considers himself to be me–Santa Claus!?”
Elf No. 1: “Yes, sir. And he plans to deliver lumps of coal to all of your Christmas clients.”
Santa: “Get Rudolph up here right now and tell him to light up his nose so we can see this phony doll dope for what he really is.”
Elf No. 1: “Most people already do, Sir, from when the doll dope announced his tariffs on reindeer.”
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