Kickass and Mallard Invader by Bill Stokes

Attribution: Commonists, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that as the keeper and Phyllis and a roomful of other Vista West residents were gathered for a “Happy hour” meeting Tuesday afternoon there was an attempt by an outsider to invade the premises via a backdoor. Approaching through the garden area, the would-be invader sustained his demands for entry through several poetry readings and was not deterred by a vote of the residents to refuse him entry.

The invader was a mallard drake who, accordiing to activities director Caitlin, has been pecking at the bottom of the glass door for several weeks.

Always ready to be helpful, the keeper volunteered to have a brief talk with the window pecker:

“Hey, Mr. Mallard, you may want to think it over if you have reproduction on your mind since all of us here at Vista West are done with that except as it pertains to grandkids.

“The gender ratio in here favors “hens” but they are not your kind and anyway they have all figured out the way of “drakes” a long time ago.

“As for letting you in for the poetry program, you might wax political about the current scene and use a word that rhymes with “duck” and we don’t allow that kind of quacking at Vista West.

“Move on, my friend. Find a shrub or a tree. Vista West may be for “old ducks” but it’s not for thee!”