Attribution: Elf at the English-language Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, assists the keeper and Phyllis in passing along the suggested responses to the standard “Obedience Class” commands as they have been revised by Musk the Insufferable and his trusty Tin Man sidekick.
*SIT!: Place your hindquarters as close to the floor as possible and look up adoringly–and possibly “futilely,” for: any human figure offering decency treats.
*STAY!: Do not attempt to move a muscle, especially in your tail lest your friends think you are wagging approval at obvious absurdity and downright cruelty.
*FETCH!: Assume the tennis ball is a hamburger patty and when you run out to fetch it keep running until you are out of sight of the Great POTUS grillers whereupon you can do what needs to be done to a hamburger patty.
*ROLL OVER!: Despite an unfortunate history, do not under any circumstances roll over for any of the Musk/Tin Man obedience commands. Instead chase a car, a Tesla and when you catch one bite its ugly flat ass.
(Should you ever be called “GOOD BOY” it is safe to assume you are not at a MAGA barn burning,)
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