Coup D'uhtat by Geoff Carter « The Pen in Hand Blog

Illustration by Michael DiMilo

By Geoff Carter

Donald Trump came swaggering into the Oval Office on the first day of his second term like a sailor on his first night of shore leave—and he behaved pretty much like a drunken sailor, too, signing executive orders like bad checks and—figuratively—standing on the bar proclaiming he was king of the world. Unfortunately, President Trump’s impetuous behavior has resulted in an avalanche of thoughtless and dangerous consequences.

Some of these actions are so outrageous, they seem as if they might have been issued by a fool, a lunatic, or a misguided child.

One executive order demanded the repeal of the Fourteen Amendment, the birthright to citizenship. Unfortunately, no one informed the president that he does not have the power to alter the Constitution (maybe something a sitting president should already know). The EO was so ridiculous that when ruling on a motion for an injunction, U.S. District Judge John Coughenour U.S. District Judge John Coughenour told a Justice Department attorney. “This is a blatantly unconstitutional order.”

Another one of President Trump’s executive orders demanded lower prices for consumers. Just like that. Boom. Wave a wand and prices go down. Right. It’s just that easy.

He also stated that he would make the bold move to rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America. He wants to buy Greenland and make Canada the 51^st state. And take back the Panama Canal. If this wasn’t coming from the mouth of the most powerful man in the world, it would be funny—like your twelve-year-old nephew telling you his strategy for playing Risk. (Take Australia first.)

Other EOs, seemingly just as hare-brained and absurd, have much darker implications. In the name of cutting costs, President Trump issued orders to effectively eliminate DEI programs from the federal government. These programs, meant to ensure diversity, equity, and inclusiveness in the workplace and society at large were created to promote the fair treatment of all people and ensure that everyone is provided equal access to every opportunity. It sounds reasonable. The Trump administration, however, claims that DEI policies promote “illegal discrimination”.

After the tragic air collision over the Potomac shortly after his inauguration, Mr. Trump—without any evidence—stated that the crash was a direct result of DEI hiring policy. DEI has been under attack since it has been linked to another of the GOP’s bogymen, Critical Race Theory—which somehow—they maintained was an attack on the white majority. President Trump, always the demented pragmatist, has already put one of his most valuable interest groups, the White Supremacists into his front pocket. The obliteration of DEI has no doubt reassured them of their supremacy in Trump world.

One of his first—and arguably most egregious—moves as President 2.0 was the complete pardon of everyone convicted of a crime during the January 6^th Capitol Riots. Many of these offenders were convicted of violent crimes including assaults on police officers, sedition, conspiracy, and weapons offenses. Members of white supremacy militias like The Oathkeepers and The Proud Boys were heavily involved and now—thanks to the generosity of President Trump—they are roaming our streets (and willing to do anything for their savior).

Perhaps the scariest move made by President 2.0 was the appointment of multi-billionaire and mastermind of ineptitude Elon Musk, whose electric Tesla cars are paragons of inefficiency, whose rockets keep crashing, and whose unbreakable armor-proof vehicle glass shatters like an eggshell, as the head of his new governmental DOGE—the Department of Government Efficiency. No matter that Mr. Musk has no political experience and was not elected to any office; he was given free reign by Mr. Trump to ferret out inefficiency and cut costs.

Like a rabid bull in a china shop, Elon Musk has rampaged through a number of governmental departments, slashing and gouging and ripping and shredding with seemingly little concern for the consequences of his actions.

To the alarm of anyone with a modicum of sense or the slightest understanding of the intricate workings of the government, he cut funding to USAID, which provides food, medicine, and other resources to those in need worldwide—a generosity which functions as a bulwark against oppressive totalitarian regimes. Millions will go hungry, sicken, and possibly perish as a result of this policy. The US will no longer be perceived as a beneficent ally. We will lose hearts and minds—and lives.

The Trump Administration also cut funding for the National Institute of Health, putting an abrupt halt to grants for important medical research and causing thousands of scientists to lose their jobs. In the state of Alabama alone, it is projected that up to 40,000 researchers may be put out of work. The implications of this cutoff are that important advances and breakthroughs in everything from pediatrics to cancer research will be jeopardized. But at least, we’ll be saving some money. Right?

Mr. Musk has recruited a group of “professional” programmers to help him in his nonsurgical excisions. According to an NPR report, one henchmen among Musk’s minions is Marko Elez, a 25-year-old who worked at SpaceX and X. Mr. Elez was granted access to the Treasury Department payment but resigned after it was discovered he was responsible for racist media posts even though the Vice-President weighed in, saying that he should be “brought back”.

Another of Musk’s teenage wonders in Edward Coristine, who according to a Newsweek report , has a reputation as a hacker, and who is known as the eminently mature handle “Big Balls,” is responsible for a number of start-ups, one of which, Tesla.Sexy LLC, manages a number of web domains, including some sites registered in Russia. One FBI source has stated that Coristine’s background information would have “prevented me from recommending him for the job.” Yet Mr. Coristine has access to sensitive personal information for millions of Americans. This is only a sampling of the “professional” and experienced ITs and hackers are now burrowing deeper and deeper into the workings of our government.

Musk and his people have attempted to lay off tens of thousands of people, cut off life-saving aid to underdeveloped countries, brought important medical research to a screeching halt—all in the name of stopping government waste. According to AP, DOGE happened to “accidentally” release three hundred key nuclear workers—who actually work with nuclear weapons. Fortunately, they had the brains to reinstate them, but his lack of forethought and planning is just plain stupid. To compare them to bulls in a china shop is an insult to bulls.

This “government waste” that these people are shredding saves lives, protects children, maintains equity, inclusiveness, and maintains the quality of life for all Americans—not just the filthy rich.

The Trump administration does not need to be strong-arming its way to change. The president has a Republican Congress that has historically been all to eager to kiss his boots and who would be willing to pass just about any of his policies, yet he has decided to assert his power by staging what amounts to a coup. He has ignored the Constitutional premises that Congress controls the purse strings of the nation, that civil servants are protected by the law, and that he does not have the power to shutter government agencies. Or rename the Gulf of Mexico. Or order prices to go down. Or shred the Constitution.

Yet like a drunken sailor home on leave, he continues doing and saying incredibly outrageously stupid things. He roars and rants and makes his insane demands, and—unfortunately—we all have to listen to him and cross our fingers. At least for now.