Kickass and Driver Numbers by Bill Stokes

Attribution: Tokumeigakarinoaoshima, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, is not involved in the keeper’s project of more publicly identifying drivers as is done in Japan where drivers over 70 are encouraged to display an identifying symbol to get them “more consideration” from other drivers.

The keeper is suggesting that this be taken a step further in the US by the use of large numbers displayed on the outside of all vehicles showing the age of the driver.

While application of this system would also identify teenage drivers for special consideration, its primary benefit would be to elderly drivers by signally other drivers to get the hell out of the way because grandma/grandpa is going to Culvers for the desert special.

The system might replicate the way of fighter pilots and not only display a number but also decals recording “kills” and other driving history such as occasions of road-rage and collisions.

The keeper is anxious to get out on the road with his nonagenarian number prominently displayed, along with a decal depicting the head-on collision whereby Phyllis suffered 11 broken ribs, a fractured vertebra and various other injuries when a middle-aged driver crossed over into the keeper’s lane.

That errant driver happened to be a woman, but the keeper is vehemently against any number system auto display that would indicate gender. Suffice to say he would rather be out there on the great racetrack with the ladies than most of the young dudes who drive as if they are late for a sexual liaison.