Kickass and Super Bore Fans by Bill Stokes

Attribution: Keith Allison from Hanover, MD, USA, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports the keeper staying in contrary character on this Super Bore Sunday by passing along a portion of the lead from a cover story he did for the Chicago Tribune Sunday Magazine issue of Apr. 4, 1993:

“What can you say about sports fans?

“Try this:

“Sports fans are losers. They pay millions of dollars to bottom line corporations for the privilege of watching pampered prima donnas perform routine robotian feats for which a worshipful society has been training them since childhood. In return, the fans are considered an annoyance by the athletes, are looked upon largely as money fodder by the corporations and are coerced by politicians into spending millions of tax dollars for athletic facilities.”

The story goes on to label sports fans as “unhealthy” as they sit in the stands or “vegetate in front of TV sets stuffing themselves with junk food while watching others play games instead of exercising themselves.”

The keeper spent a couple of months attending professional and college games to observe fan behavior in researching the sports fans story, which garnered some recognition in sports story competition for that year. The story is included in the keeper’s book “Treeson, an APOLOGIA to the trees,” available thru Amazon or from him at his website billstokesauthor.com.

The keeper and Phyllis will be spending this Super Bore day watching Mary Tyler Moore reruns and gnawing on raw carrots.

Hope your team wins!