Attribution: Chris Light, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, passes along cold weather survival tips from the keeper and Phyllis:
*Though authenticated cases of someone actually “freezing their ass off” are not all that common, do not take unnecessary chances by venturing out.
*In responding to the question “Is it cold enough for you?” be creative and say something like, “No! I am a snowball and I love it!”
*Do not laugh at dog-walkers lest they throw a plastic bag at you.
*Place black shrouds over any visible outdoor thermometers.
*Spike your morning coffee with something to keep it from solidifying.
*Try to refrain from talking about remembered frigid days when it was not safe for brass monkeys to venture out.
*Concede to Phyllis that since she grew up in Canada maybe she knew about cold fronts even before they came down across the border like a snowman’s embrace, or a snowwoman’s.
*Think spring!
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