Attribution: Kgbo, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Common
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, listens as the keeper reassess his lifelong relationship with chickens, prompted by his recent purchase of $5 eggs, and sends hens the following message.
“Okay, ladies, what the hell is with the exorbitant price of your eggs? Obviously the useless roosters have once again managed to insert their narcissistic ways into chicken things and are now even crowing about it. They have no more class than hen-house foxes or sell-out politicians! Roosters are interested in only one thing and it contributes nothing to the economy we share.
“Does it mean nothing to you that our relationship goes back to your brooder house ‘chick’ days when I brought you an occasional earthworm just to watch you fight over it!
“Have I not respected your puzzling enlistment in the Colonel Sanders army by saluting the colonel at every opportunity?
“Did I not warn you that ‘crossing the road’ was increasingly risky in this age of road rage epidemics, and you should consider that the difference between roadkill and a nice chicken dinner is only in the processing?
“I will continue with my two-egg breakfast, even as Phyllis recommends cottage cheese, and I will try not to think about the cost. I am faithful to you, chicken ladies. Keep that in mind, and good luck!”
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