Kickass and Dead Butt by Bill Stoke « The Pen in Hand Blog

Attribution: Missouri State Archives, No restrictions, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, passes along the keeper’s delight in finally getting a diagnosis for the troublesome malady that has obviously plagued him throughout his life–“The dead butt syndrome,” or “gluteal amnesia” to the physical therapists.

The dead butt syndrome is brought on by prolonged sitting as in front of a computer and is obviously suffered by millions of people who, like the keeper, do not break up an hour of sitting with the recommended ten minutes of standing, moving around and walking in order to wake up a sleeping ass.

The big butt muscles are not designed for sitting but for “climbing, squatting, running, lunging and walking” the PT experts say, which flies in the face of how they most often get used particularly in the keeper and Phyllis’s crowd. With them there is the inclination to let a sleeping butt sleep and encourage the rest of the body to join it for a nap.

Maybe if they are lucky they will dream about their days of “lunging” and “running!”