Attribution: Scot Campbell, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, exercising his unique abilities to intercept communications of all kinds, passes along the following:
To the sheep: “New dogs—with long legs and sharp teeth, will be replacing the border collies and will herd you with a new technique that involves biting you in the ass.”
To the cows: “Since your regular milking crews will all be deported you must learn to hold your milk, as in ‘hold your fire’.”
To the deer: “The chronic wasting disease that has been killing you will be shared with unvaccinated humans under direct order of the new head of Health and Human Services.”
To the chickens: “It is imperative that you find out why you crossed the road and if it is part of your plan to shortcut your route to the roasting pan.”
To the cats: “Your innate indifference is to be replaced by the new AG’s direction that prohibits purring unless you are one of the billionaire fat cats.”
To the humans: “This too shall pass!”
