Dialogues on Second Fiddle: Don't Keep us Hanging

Attribution: Illustration by Michael DiMilo

Featuring the Fabulous Dadbots: Dave S., Mark M., Mark O., Dennis C., Paul C., and Geoff Carter

Informal, gentlebot’s wager: Who will he pick? I won’t prejudice your insights with my pick, rather just put a list below. The list is by no means complete. Please add to it. I’ve made my selection already.

In no particular order, with hopefully not prejudiced, and equal, non pc, snarky remarks—think of it as an SNL skit—they can say anything there. (But Geoff, sorry, I went a little too far, so if this does have legs I’ll have to edit. Being glib is too tantalizing.)

Kristi Noem: Governor of the Jack Rabbit state. Not afraid to bypass the local humane society and all its red tape.
Nikki Haley: Probably born in Jamshedpur, birth records falsified.
Tim Scott: Big voice, small mind but does certain things perfectly well.
Chris Christie: Big guy. Sanity, a fatal flaw.
Vivek R: Genius brat, coincidentally also from Jamshedpur, birth records falsified.
Doug Burgmun: Who?
Rudy G: Judge, jury, hangman. Bump stocks to all police officers.
Kari Lake: experienced in front of a camera (same lip implant Doc as Kristi)
Mike Pence: “the lord teaches us forgiveness..” (Stranger Things was set in Indiana). Proven sucker-upper. WASP creds. White hair = trust, purity, and sleeps with a teacher.

Okay, those were off of this bot’s head, I googled and found these:

Sarah (Hucklebee) Sanders: Former flack catcher
Elise Stefani: haven’t heard much about her…. must be her.
(little) Marco Rubio: Cuban/Latino, Napoleanic stature, vote fetcher.

Your entries here:

-D

C’mon man, it’s Tucker Carlson in a rout. Put your money down boys, it’s a lock. Unless of course he (again) goes down with a season ending injury on the first play of the season, then it might be our prodigal favorite son, Aaron Rodgers.

MarkO

Okay, okay, okay…. My pick was and still is Nikki Haley. That was from the outset of this D’bot poll..i.e. prior to her going public saying she’ll vote the big orange head. Newscasters are quick to point out that she did not endorse him, did not ask her followers to vote for the don, rather, said he’s a better choice than Joe. They also observe (speculate) that she would not pull many along since they were not really all that fond of Nikki, rather ‘never trumpers’ and she was the only alternative.

Why I think he will choose Nikki:

The woman factor is more important then the other race advantages Scott, Rubio and others bring to the table.
Especially true given the abortion issue.
I think he also realizes Haley is smart. He likes smart…uses smart effectively.
But really it all comes down to votes. Nikki can garner more than the others.

Why would Nikki ever agree to being VEEP?

A. Big stage, one heart attack away from the throne.

B. She can put up with his show for 4 years if it gets her the same perch for 8.

Lastly, a word on the felony conviction…34 counts. Obviously the whackos are digging their heels in. No surprise. Maybe a few in the center right, feel like it’s nothing but a shitshow and stay on his side. But there has to be a decent number in the middle, that saying “enough’s enough…I can’t vote for a convicted felon. And a seedy one at that.”. Thus the polls should show a shift toward Joe. But I predict “the media—who love $$$$–a tight race will not be eager to take a poll, will wait and still depict a “dead heat”

-Dave

Nikki is clearly in the driver ‘s seat in the VP race. She is more flexible than a Cirque du Soleil acrobat! After all her criticism of Trump, she’s “going to cast her vote for him”. Shorter memory than a NFL cornerback. And she was just photographed this week signing Israeli artillery shells with that famous, yet faintly nauseating jingoistic, slogan: “Finish them!” Good Don fodder.

I agree, Dave, the bottom line comes down to votes added. Last time, the choice was Pence, bringing in the white Christian evangelicals. This time it’s Haley, bringing in the normies.

Ahem. I read over this thread and see no prior choosing of Haley by Sereno. Are you pulling Nikki on us?

Mark M

Here ‘tis:

MM: I added #3 below—I see it is a tad redundant to something I said at the very bottom of my 10:38 am email—apologies for that–but leaving it in for the fresh bits.

Nikki was always my “main man”—scout’s honor. I didn’t disclose it prior, so as to not prejudice others. Did you intend not to reply all?

(sub Nikki for Johnny below and She for He)

And Johnny is my main man

He’s the keeper of the keys

He’ll put your mind at ease

He’s guaranteed to please

Back by popular demand

Look around, my little friend

Jubilation in the land

Freddie, get ready, rock steady

When Johnny strikes up the band

Johnny strikes up the band

“Johnny Strikes up the Band” by Warren Zevon

Last, who knows if yesterday’s verdict will be the beginning of the end. I will observe 2 things today:

1. Nice to see his orangeness stumbling/mumbling lately—plenty of dour photo ops to post all over the www….and,

2. OMG….Ari Shapiro on NPR cannot contain his glee. Observed same tone when Biden officially won in 2020, (after late Philly, ATL, Vegas and Phoenix votes finally verified). No matter the story tonight, his voice was doing cartwheels.

3. Interesting to observe the first rxns. The (2) obvious camps: The Biden high road type of comments—”no one is above the law”…and “…this will only strengthen his base, adds to his coffers” type of comments. The 3^rd faction to keep a close eye on—and maybe this is wishful thinking on my part—are the sane Reds ready to jump ship. So far, Larry Hogan, former well liked red Governor of blue state Maryland (1988 last time MD voted red), is the only one with gonads to start to push the Don aside. Maybe ‘bots have observed others? Please do share, I’m curious (hopeful). Don’t forget, there are a lot of reasonable rats, nervously crowding the edge of that disease riddled pirate ship and leave Marjorie Taylor Greene and company—certified “ non-doers”, to flounder at sea. Who else will chime in? This is an inflection point. Will anyone seize the day? Is there, (one of Dave’s fantasy), backroom coalitions plotting, right now, on burner phones? Paul Ryan, Koch bros, Nikki, Mitch…Speaker Johnson…). You heard it here first.

-D.

Below thread has variants but initial virus was a ‘bot poll re: Who will be veep? Times today had one view (turns out it may have been compromised—see readers research snip below), but it did have some basis (IMO) re Hispanic population growth in key PA counties as well as key urban locations in other swing states. But the bottom line—I assume—is: What choice garners the most votes? (I would think ao is that savvy). I wonder if his tribe is using any analytics/polls of their own to make that choice? Everyone can have a gut feeling. Mine is Nikki, others are Rubio, Scott….I’ll be shocked if he picks a ho-hum white guy (D. Burgum…).

I asked self: If he picks a minority, does he risk losing any of his base? A: For the whackos (which are a big percentage of the 73M): No. They are whackos and either don’t think very much at all, trust blindly in their leader or “understand” this is purely to fight fire with fire. For the balance: both the non-whackos and the on the fencers–which he is trying to drag over the pickets: Well, no risk of loss there (they are sane/informed/somewhat open minded), only a chance of gain. So, this bit of one bot’s logic says it will absolutely be a minority. I “hear” (read) Nikki ain’t even on the list…so, I’ll now revise my vote to Elise Foley because women are common to all groups and the A word is huge. (BTW: revising one’s picks is common in NCAA office March Madness Tournaments, say when it comes down to the sweet sixteen….great eight….even the final four….Therefore, besides having “standing”—I started the poll–I also have precedent–😎)

Any revisions from ya’all? Still sticking with Tucker, Rochester?

-D.

I’m jumping ship from Tucker. He probably wasn’t interested in the job anyway. He likes having a big media presence and being in the shadow of the Yellow Man would probably not suit him. And the Yellow Man would definitely not tolerate being upstaged by his VP. I have no idea really, but I think either Rubio or Scott would be good strategic picks.

MarkO

So this is what I come back to?

After burying my head in the sand in Costa Rica for the past six months I return to the Land of the Free to find the Donald’s cockroach-like survival skills have kept him neck-and-neck with Uncle Joe in the race for Commander-in-Chief.

And I see there is a “gentle-bot wager” on who his running mate will be. Hmmm. I’ve been on a long media fast, so the reasons for my pick will not be tainted by things like “logic” or “facts” , but, rather, like many of my fellow Americans, I will use hunches, rumors, and gut feelings to make my uninformed pick.

So I gather that Trump’s short list includes:

Marco Rubio: Nope. Who can forget the “small hands” comeback “Little Marco” made about Donald during those debates? My gut feeling is that Trump hates him forever for implying on national television that he has a small dick. This hunch is reinforced by the rumor that Trump was teased in the gang shower of high school gym class about his tiny penis. That sort of trauma doesn’t just go away.

That Dog Killin’ Lady: My hunch is that Trump thinks she’s kinda hot, but it’s a NO. I have a feeling that most of my fellow Americans, including Trump, have about the same level of information about her as I do, i.e., they can’t quite remember her name, they just know she killed her dog when it was kind of a puppy.

J.D. Vance: Might have a chance if he shaves off the mustache part of his beard so he looks more like Abe Lincoln, who actually was our first and greatest Republican president. Plus, this guy seriously sucks up to Trump and the whole MAGA shtick. A Definite Maybe.

Elise Stefanik: Nah. She also sucks up to Trump, but maybe a little too much — because she looks so young standing next to his icky, orange-ass self. It just looks kinda creepy; When she’s side-by-side with Trump, it’s just too much of a reminder to voters that Trump is a nasty geezer who bribes hookers not to squeal on him.

Doug Burgum: Was a Microsoft exec who worked with Bill Gates, who, as every good conspiracy theorist knows, spread COVID from that Chinese lab then led the hue and cry for vaccine mandates as part of his plan for world domination. Trump doesn’t like Bill Gates, who has waayyy more money than he does. Burgum also kind of reminds Trump of another guy he doesn’t like or trust anymore: That traitorous Mike Pence. So I’d say NO.

Tucker Carlson: NO. Even those with our head in the sand have heard how much Tucker Carlson not-so-secretly hates Trump.

One of those Black Guys: The black vote was what secured the Democratic nomination for Biden last election. If Trump can weasel some of those voters away from Biden he has a better chance of winning. Weird how there are like three well-established Black conservative politicians in consideration as Trump’s running mate. But, in my self-imposed ignorance, only one name stands out — Tim Scott.

So I’m going with Tim Scott as Trump’s pick for running mate.

Reading that analysis of the Hispanic vote in PA, I fell to my fainting couch and clutched my pearls! Jeez. how I hate bed wetting Democrats.

Nikki has fallen off all pundit lists of possible veeps. But I will stick with her. She has drawn more votes for President than all those other jokers put together. My second choice is Tim Scott, whose servile sniveling is more suitable for an animated Disney henchman than an actual human.

There is a supreme irony that will come into play if Trump chooses Rubio. The Constitution forbids the Pres and VP from being from the same state. So Rubio would have to up & move from Florida. Trump’s ultimate power play and revenge for that dick joke.

….few know the same state snag…you can now add 3 to the nationwide list of what…30?

I stick with my own bold prediction. Donald Trump will declare himself as his own running mate—because he is so perfect and so beautiful—and market his candidacy as Orange Crush. He doesn’t really trust anyone else. I’m a little surprised no family member has entered the discussion. I was saying earlier (but lost the email in this vast and as of yet uncharted thread) that I was thinking Ron Johnson would be a good choice. He’s a bootlicking conservative and is from the swingiest of swing states. I think he’d be pretty good at kissing the big orange booty.