Illustration by Michael DiMilo
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, sends along the keeper’s suggestions for having a serious conversation with a flat-earth devotee who lauds and even sends money to a cult leader who tends the Koolaid tap and claims to walk on water.
1. Assume an expression of interest, as if you are listening for a gas leak.
2. Offer comfortable seating, such as a recliner with a pilot-like ejection feature.
3. Feign an expression of great pain and clutch at your chest while gasping and gagging.
4. Offer generous portions of strong drink and consume equal amounts yourself.
5. In the case of a family member, suggest the possibility of either you or them having been adopted.
6. When the suggestion of a totally outrageous flat-earth event is predicted, announce that you have an appointment for a brain transplant and must leave for a pre-op procedure.
7. In the interests of healing divisiveness between differing political factions, comment on the weather.
8. Fall asleep or pretend to.
9. Be comforted by the fact that the election for POTUS is only eight months away.
Photo by Bill Stokes