Attribution: ErgoSum88, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, celebrates with the keeper in finally nailing down the fact that the keeper’s lifetime of doing totally stupid things is directly related to time spent in Alabama as he was emerging from his teenage years.
Prior to spending three months in Army basic training at Camp Rucker, Alabama, the keeper, in keeping with normal teenage thinking, never did anything stupid. But as soon as he stepped on Alabama soil a degree of dumbness set in that has plagued him all of his long life.
The Alabama related dumbness began even while he was still in Alabama when on his first weekend pass down to a gulf beach the keeper got so severely sunburned that he could not walk and was threatened with court-martial for being unable to report for duty.
As an act of dumbness with life threatening possibilities, the keeper next volunteered for duty in the Korean war as a means of getting out of Alabama, and thus ended up being shot at for a year by total strangers.
Realizing that going to war is the height of stupidity but not the end of it, the keeper after a lifetime of puzzlement as to the “why” behind his unfailing stupidity, is finally satisfied with the Alabama explanation.
Something in the Alabama water or soil obviously not only encourages stupidity but insists on it as evidenced in its state supreme court which recently decided that male lust is human life and must be preserved and encouraged according to the Alabama constitution. Or was it something regarding IVF embryos that was equally stupid and demeaning to women?
The keeper tells a skeptical Phyllis that he might have been a much-improved companion except for his time in Alabama.
Photo by Bill Stokes