Dialogues on Counting Cards: The Sheepshead Diaries

Posted on Updated on by Geoff CarterCategories:Humor, Wisconsin


Attribution: Krenakarore, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Featuring the Fabulous Dadbots: Mark M., Dave S., Mark O., Dennis C., Paul C., and Geoff Carter

…at the risk of breaking my arm patting myself on my back—seems like my mom had these pithy expressions always at the ready—that one to check me when I was declaring myself the greatest at something…(I was first on that btw, Cassius Clay,(later M. Ali),  was but  a copycat….)…where was I…well not so much me in this case, but echoing Costa Rica’s praise for comrade bots…these latest one’s and Rochester just added another beaut—longing for “those halcyon days of Mitt disparaging” are so much better than most things I read.  In terms of content, wit and brevity.

Since its almost 1/4th of the way to Mother’s Day 2024: a couple more mom-isms:  “Borrow from Peter to pay Paul”….or “Take a chance Columbus did”—the latter invoked while playing the family card game Smear—hybrid of euchre, bridge and sheepshead.  As in other card games the pick goes around the table…some take their time deciding…not my mom, she was quick…when others were over-thinking, she’d invoke the Columbus-ism. I used it once with some friends—and a fellah, w/ ‘bot like chops, said huh…I  explained…he quipped back…”and subjugated an entire race”.  

-D. 

(What? Smear? Really? A bastardization of our beloved Sheephead?) Blasphemy, I say!! Blasphemy!!

G

Euchre:  2D…power is all. A game of pure tyranny. Partners are fixed. Can be played drunk. Jacks rule, aka: Bowers.

Sheepshead, 3D…pretty sure it was MM who educated me, ‘tis a peasant game…Kings are worth jack—as in jack shit, not like the Queens and Jacks…’specially those almighty black Qs…”nasty women” agent orange would say…(makes me think of Salem, Mass.)—kings are jack shit in terms of both power and points.

Smear, the hybrid. Has a power structure, about 7 points if I recall correctly. “Game” is one of the (7) “bid points”.  I think one’s bid is how many points you think you can get.  But points are not points like in Sheeps. In Sheepshead points are the only thing that matters, power is merely a way to corral points. In Smear the deuce (of the chosen suit—it is picker’s choice, just like euchre) is worth a point. And Smear uses the 2 jokers!—a point each.They omit the middle cards like the others. Like Euchre and Bridge, trump is determined by picker. Like Bridge, Smear has a bid in addition to the pick.  So let’s see, the 7 points of Smear are:

  1. Hi (usually an ace unless it is buried),
  2. Low (usually a deuce unless it is buried)
  3. Jack,
  4. Opposite Jack,
  5. the (2) jokers–I think the color one is higher then the b and w one (or maybe they are both of no power in terms of taking a trick?—will check with my sibs). (I googled—the above is not the only way to play I see). The big difference with smear is that you don’t have to follow suit IF you have trump. I know, a bit lawless.
  6. The 2nd joker
  7. And Game:  Game adds up “points” ala Sheepshead but not exactly…totals 60 or 80…?, not 120—but again ‘game’  is worth only one “bid point”.

—I forget how partners go…think it’s predetermined…..I’ll also check on that with sibs and report back.  No, really, it’s no trouble at all.  😁

Bridge: Only played a few times. Frick’en subtle. Not sure I’m refined enough for it.  Seems like a bloody tea game, w/ spotted dick (English pudding). I remember guys playing at lunch at Allison Gas Turbine—in Indy—where I worked. In bridge, one bids points and names the suit. You can also play a no suit hand. This is called “something-No”. A common bid is “three-no”….sounded like my last name….in a crowded office over lunch time. Used to turn my head, every time…the way they shouted it…I thought I was in trouble.

Sheepshead is by far the best. 5 handed is a mystery solved every game. So balanced, so intriguing, partnerships change every hand… I once won holding but a King and the 9 (of diamonds…tucked away 40 some points and had a great partner…took a chance, given Columbus). A drinking game but not as forgiving as euchre if you’re playing for do re mi. I prefer Jack of Diamonds and loathe the “call an ace” bail out option—if you find said Jack in the blind—a liberal bailout, a concoction of Feinstein or Pelosi no doubt.  Designed to give all those wussies out there their precious little safety net–the same ones that prance about in their wife’s panties. Having a grandma hand and declaring alone is one thing, but so exhilarating, when forced by cruel fate, to man up, figure it out, show no fear, (critical, less you want them to know its 4 on 1), and go alone… where no wussies have gone before….😁.

I prefer constant table talk. Under the theory 95% is pure BS—thus you trust none of it…a chaos theory vs the suppression school of “I said No Table Talk God-dammit”

-D.

Huh. Call an Ace is the Milwaukee standard. I think that even my Sheboygan based college buddies played that way. I actually never have played Jack of Diamonds.

Sheepshead can be a drinking game. But like all of these, NOT a talking game. Shut the fuck up with your story until the six tricks have been taken.  THEN you can blabber on.  

Sheepshead is most challenging on the margins. That is, 95% of the time, your correct play in any given situation is predetermined, even if (like me) you are unable to count points. But it’s that 5% of plays that require real card sense. I suck at those.  

–Mark M.

I’ve played sheepshead both ways but Call an Ace is far superior. Jack of Diamonds takes a decision  away from the picker, and what makes card games interesting anyway?  It’s the required decisions.

Oh, and leisters for sure. None of that double point the next deal bullshit.

Any discussion of sheepshead always brings to mind one of my favorite statements coming from any picker who knows he’s screwed upon picking up the blind:

“If there’s one thing I CAN NOT STAND… It’s a Fucking MAUER!”

MarkO

What used to make me crazy—besides people yakking during a hand and then asking ten minutes later who picked—was trying to count cards during a hand. I’d always lose track of how many clubs or hearts were out there. My father-in-law excelled at that. Then, after the hand, he and my brother-in-law would dissect and analyze every trick: “Oh, I’d used the jack of spades to take that trick instead of the queen of hearts, I’d have won.” 

Three-handed is challenging because it’s a game of fail—you have to use tens and aces, the big points, to win, so it’s more unpredictable. Little trump can bring home a big trick. And there’s no partner for the picker. I’ve played jack of diamonds and calling the ace and—definitely—the ace is better. 

And dose damned mauers. Christ. Leisters is another challenge. I love the anti-smear. Let’s see—Mark M., Mark O., Dave S., Dennis C., and Geoff. That sounds like a pretty good five-hand crew. Who’s up for sheepshead?

G

Sheepshead — or as those Sheboygan aficionados of the game call it “Sheephead”. It’s for sure the ultimate Sconnie game, though I have to admit I haven’t played it in awhile. I think the last time I played it much was with the older guys at the firehouse. But that faded as the younger guys wanted to play Texas Hold’em instead, pfffft –the simpletons.  

As I dust-off my memories of the game, I recall five-handed as the most fun, especially the calling the Ace version. Maybe it was the whole mystery partner thing. And Leisters instead of Doublers for sure because Leisters are just punishment for those fuckin’ Mauers. But there are a couple of rules of the game I’m embarrassed to say I’m now hazy on. Umm. Do 10’s beat Kings?   And what happens if one team doesn’t get Schneider (Schnitz)? 

Okay, okay. Lame questions, but I’ll be back up to a reasonable speed on my Sheepshead skills in time for the upcoming Dadbot sheepshead tourney.

DC

First closing out my takes on cards, then yes, you can’t stop me, I’ve had 2nd thoughts on Geoff’s hate poem…(in praise of it!). That will be separate:

  1. First some background on my sheepshead CV: Learned it in Madison, from a variety of folks—MM, Carl O. … .we once turned a dreary, cold winter afternoon into a marathon session of sheeps at Mark’s bro’s house. Peter I think.  But there were many other circles….commonality was winter and no money…a cheap and entertaining pastime.
  2. My graduate level course occurred in India-no-place. Where I had a great job in a boring city…more of a collection of small towns, Indianapolis is. There our gang of engineers would play 48 hands in 48 minutes. I kid you not. The secret?  First of all we’d have two decks and 6 gents. The 6th would sit out and shuffle so when the last trick fell, BOOM, the fresh deck was being dealt. One ate lunch while preparing the 2nd deck.
  3. J of D vs call an Ace. I’m agnostic on this. The gripe against J of D is the picker automatically gets the 8th strongest card in the deck. But the Ace of call is no slouch. If it walks, it automatically brings in 11 plus points, whereas the Jack is worth 2. So, I agree with the inner circle Burghers—mostly in Sheboygan—call an Ace is a fairer/more challenging game (non picker/picker perspectives), but not that big of a deal IMO. One nuance on that is I’m pretty sure you can’t call the Ace of Diamonds…the 9th strongest card in the deck.
  4. And don’t confuse the call an ace vs the cop out call an ace if you are playing J of D and one discovers the J of D in the blind–that option I will always loathe–as mentioned above. An alert non-picker is careful to watch the expression of the picker when they look at the blind.  Hard not to swallow–gulp–when one sees the J of D, unless one is loaded–then it is a grandma hand, possibly a no tricker.
  5. Dennis: Disappointed. Yes, 10s take kings….peasant game. But they are worth 4 points so for those sharp minds of decades ago, counting points (11 x 4 + 10 x 4….+ 4 X:  4,3,2, (K,Q,J respectively) = 120. Need 61, not 60 to make bid. Need 30, not 31 to avoid Schnitz. Not making Schnitz doubles the scoring.
  6. Another cool thing ‘bout Sheeps is the zero sum nature of keeping score. Serves as a math check. But more importantly it made us all better citizens knowing we live in a world of shared resources. 😎.  We thought of others, our enemies, even kings, (whom we’d embrace if they got us to 61).
  7. Re: “Table talk”, compelled to ‘splain, after wincing from some bot venom. As you can see from the 48 hands in 48 minutes there weren’t any diatribes happen’en in Indy. All business. Rather, I define table-talk as giving away info. Unethical, obviously. Can be very nuanced….leaning forward in one’s chair…slouching back, etc…  Depending on maturity/culture of the crew it happens to varying extents. Thus, our way to combat it was to constantly feign info—with quick interjection “got you covered partner” or “pahdner!”….or  offering a high five, (when you were the devil himself…), when you took a trick yet not showing the J of D or Ace called). Thus no one knew for sure and given our obnoxious, ad nauseum natures…. you couldn’t rely on the “opposite rule”.  Many other little verbal and non-verbal forms of table talk.  Anyways, that was our evolution—bunch of late 20 yr. olds…plenty of unreliable table talk—all lasting but a second.
  8. Geoff: 3 handed speaks to the greatness of the game. Even when you can’t muster up 5, the game is worth it. And oh the walking that occurs….not just Aces,  10s, even Kings, nines.
  9. We haven’t touched on cracking…re-cracking, (I think  blitzing is same but there is also that variant of showing the 2 black you know whats before play occurs),   These up the ante…lay down the gauntlet so to speak. And give out critical info—spice up the hand. Scoring:  Instead of the usual 2, 1, -1, -1 -1 (sums to zero), it can be 4, 2, -2, -2, -2 or 8, 4, -4, -4 -4.  At a quarter a point you better believe the endorphins are flowing during a “re-crack”. Crack  serves  a purpose.  Oftentimes there are light pickers that ruin a hand—especially for the dude that is loaded. The cracking allows for a brief crucifixion of the light picker.
  10. Scoring for not making schnitz, aka schneider:  -4, -2, +2. +2 +2.  Get no tricked and things double again–in either direction.

Speaking of Burghers, I once viewed a remake of the Burghers of Calais (a port city in France), on the Stanford Campus. So compelling. Rodin (considered the father of Sculpture, pronounced Row-dan), did it in the late 1800s. Was of an event, apparently of great courage and sacrifice, in the 1300s, where the King of England demanded the head honchos of Calais (Burghers) sacrifice themselves in return for the King not killing the entire populace. Their march to that fate, captured in bronze by Rodin. Who knows how accurate history is…but I read the Queen talked the King out of killing the Burghers. A happy ending. Let’s go with that.

-D.

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