Kickass and the Spoonbill by Bill Stokes

Attribution: gary_leavens, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, as a very amateurish bird watcher–his “lifelist” being shorter than most grocery lists, is tempted to drive to Green Bay to see the roseate spoonbill, a species that has not been seen in the state for 178 years.

Common in Florida, the spoonbill at the Ken Euers Nature Center in Wisconsin makes the obvious point that the narcissistic numbskull Florida governor who has visions of becoming the next Repub Canis Lupus sheepherder, has made the state uninhabitable for even long-term residents like spoonbills.

The keeper is reminded of his long-ago days on Florida’s Sanibel Island where an alligator slithered under the fence of the campground aviary and bit the head off a feeding flamingo.

The keeper will be consulting with Phyllis before making the trek to Green Bay, and in the meantime he will be honing his message to the wandering spoonbill: “Do not be alarmed if attempts are made to replace your “roseate” with green and gold, that being the preferred colors of Green Bay watchers whose life-lists are headed with “Bart Starr.”

“And watch out for Wisconsin alligators–they snuck in under the gerrymandered fence and they are everywhere just waiting to bite your head off.