Kickass and Talk Replacement by Bill Stokes

Attribution: Eric Afyouni, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, delights in engaging the keeper in “what-if” situations and has posed the question of “what-if” the keeper and his ilk were denied the ability to talk–since so much talk does not rise above the sheer BS level–and were limited to one animal sound, what would that sound be?

The keeper’s immediate reaction was to opt for the primordial-sounding call of the sandhill crane. The prospective image of stepping out on the Vista West balcony he shares with Phyllis, after too much TV political absurdity, and not making a derogatory comment but instead producing the outrageous call of the sandhill crane gives the keeper great pleasure.

With its unique character of producing unison calls, substituting the sandhill crane calling for talk would still allow the keeper and Phyllis to communicate with each other, albeit with limited messages.

Should the sandhill crane yodel not be available as a talk substitute, the keeper would like to be able to howl like a wolf as utter stupidity assumes an ever-greater presence in flock leadership positions.

The keeper can already whine like a puppy, and does so often, so maybe he should just work on that.

“What if…….”