Attribution: personal archive, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, notes that both the keeper and Phyllis are the first born in their respective families which gave them special authority on the recent national sibling day–April 10–to pass along the following guidelines for the proper treatment of an older sister or brother:
1. Do not argue with them as they are always right.
2. When they tell you to do something, do it.
3. If they tell you that you are dumb, accept their judgement.
4. When they borrow something do not expect it to be returned.
5. If they learn some unpleasant fact about you, they will threaten to tell your parents until the blackmailing aspect is exhausted.
6. Expect their share of anything to be family-shared to be bigger than anyone else’s share.
7. Accept their assumption of a sedentary supervisory role when there is work to be done.
8. Do not ever lend them money.
9. If they should ever compliment you, be on your guard for an outrageous request of some kind.
10. When they tell you they love you, they mean it, but there are conditions.
Being the oldest adds up to an awesome responsibility, but like all the rest of the “oldest” out there, the keeper and Phyllis will continue to do their best while expecting little appreciation in return.
Photo by Bill Stokes