Image by Phyllis Stokes
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, fresh from updating the photo showing him in the latest version of baby-bump comparisons with three granddaughter in-laws, announces that he will be selling advertising space on his “baby-bump,” on a square-inch basis and with the guarantee that ads will not only enlarge but have a degree of permanence comparable to geologic features.
It is an annoying verity for aging males that they develop the habit of holding their expanded stomachs in to appear younger and more svelte, particularly in the proximity of younger females; and the keeper is weary of this, especially since Phyllis, his younger wife, has seen it all and is not fooled when the keeper sucks in his breath and stands up straight.
Under his baby-bump ad plan, the keeper will no longer try to hide the fact that his waistline has gone the way of a circus balloon but will instead wear unbuttoned shirts and incorporate a lowered belt position to facilitate ad display purposes.
Food venders seem the most likely ad buyers, with beer brewers as possibilities.
The keeper has not cleared his business plan with Phyllis, but she is a practical woman and recognizes opportunity when she sees it.
