Jonas Dovydenas , Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
Featuring the Fabulous Dadbots: Mark M., Dave S., Mark O., Dennis C., Paul C., Geoff Carter
Hey bots,
I ran across this article and it really resonated with my fuzzy memories of the seventies. I do think that our half of the boomer experience was nothing like those who grew up during the sixties. They embodied the mythology; we built the church.
The “Dazed and Confused” Generation: The New Yorker
–G
Thanks for the article, Geoff. I love Dazed & Confused. It captures my own high school experience as well as anything I’ve seen. Climbing the water tower, hangin’ at the kegger. And all kind of aimless.
I like the description in the article of how our parents were “checked out”. That was my experience. Just don’t get arrested, and it will be pretty much “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.”
We got to Madison in ‘76 and the turbulent ‘60s were only, what, six years in the past. But it might as well have been 30 years prior. The anti-war movement had been culturally wiped clean.
My oldest brother’s wife always holds up her ‘60s experience as somehow more freighted with meaning because, you know, VIETNAM. Not that my brothers of her brothers served. It’s the David Crosby buckskin and “milady” hangover.
It is interesting that so much great music came out in the 70s (and 80s, to be completely honest). I try so hard not to be a cultural chauvinist, but it was really an embarrassment of riches.
–Mark M.
True that about the music, Mark. Everything from The Allmans to The Who to Devo to The Heads to U2 just fell in our laps. It seemed as if great new music would always be there. (Merlin’s on State Street).
But these damned kids today. I just don’t get their music!! It’s hard to tell where true taste ends and geezerism begins.
G
Yeah good piece, liked this line:
Generations are more like sequential schmears, overlapping and messy, and the idea that each one shares essential traits is perhaps a marketer’s version of astrology.
Agreed, parents were laissez faire—partly due to the 4 minimum in the brood. As far as the richness of music in the 70s and 80s: Partially agree…but wasn’t there a solid segment of awfulness—Captain and Tennile, Barry Manilow…Hall and Oates…even Elton devolved—Philadelphia Freedom? OMG!—yuk! Perhaps the first half of the 70s was the nadir.
I have a brother born at the very start, mid 1940s—served in ‘Nam, pretty sure he voted for Trump, another born in 1950, would’ve dodged the draft if it came to that—we had “Conscientious Objector” pamphlets on the steps to the upstairs boys bedroom. He’s a solid lefty. We all get along quite well—but makes the article strike a chord with me. I guess I know what I’m watching some night soon—never seen Dazed and Confused.
I look at the 60s with respect/thankfulness—but agree there are some that take too much credit for their date of birth, not actions during. And though music got better in many ways thereafter, correct me if I’m wrong but the ‘60s used more instruments—even orchestras, more often and thus were more creative and a richer sound. True the 70s did have an outrageous explosion of rock—and I mean “classic” rock. Laughing at self there—but it would be interesting to see a list by year of Classic Rock vs, say Heavy Metal bands/hits. Did Black Sabbath open the door for Van Halen, Tesla, Metallica, Anthrax…? Which decade did Spinal Tap (This is…), take aim at?
I did some googling: Heavy Metal Bands of….then varied the decade—surprised to see what came up for the 70s. (e.g.: Led Zeppelin…. ? “I disagree, man, LZ was pure rock.” Pretty sure such silo-ing could start some serious internet chat room arguments. Where does REO Speedwagon fall?
Thanks!
Dave.
Dave,
No individual should be judged by their weakest moment. And thus, no music decade should be judged by its Captain & Tennille, or its disco.
It sounds as if you were, like me, on the young end of a brood. My elder brother Peter was a rebellious soul, and thus ground my parents’ will down. Hence laissez faire.
The 60z were the decade of the Beatles, the other Brits (including The Who), and Motown, Otis Redding, Sam Cooke & James Brown. Not that we heard much of those last unless they were covered by a white artist. (Though a lot of Motown did cross over.) Also, The Beach Boys, before they turned into a Beach Boys tribute band. And the Turtles, and the stirrings of the folk rock California sound with Buffalo Springfield and Neil Young. So I will give the 60s their due. The Top 40 charts were highly varied then, as we’ve discussed.
Mark M.
You know, thinking about the laissez-faire parenting of the seventies (which I am ever thankful for) makes me wonder when helicopter parenting became a thing. Not a trend, because I don’t know if it was deliberate, but the overparenting which the millennials (and some others) suffered became a thing in the nineties, right? Think of all the playdates and sports clubs and theater camps and structured activities that came into being about that time. I mean, they were probably around when we were kids, but I never had to deal with any of it. Was it mass paranoia about the safety of our kids? Or just good old garden variety neuroticism?
G
I suppose there are many factors leading to the helicopter parenting phenomenon but we shouldn’t overstate the phenomenon either. It only exists among the relatively affluent segments of society. It’s not widespread amongst the working poor or the paycheck-to-paycheck class of Americans.
The proliferation of structured activity opportunities and the ability to afford them is one side of the equation. The other is family structures themselves. The Leave It To Beaver days of a single (male) breadwinner and stay-at-home mom didn’t survive the passing of the 70’s for the most part. Neither did the 4+ kids per middle class family. A harried mother of 4+ would have no energy (or interest) in hovering over their brood 24/7. As for the fathers, watching and tending to kids was considered women’s work. When both parents entered the full time workforce (by choice or not), two elements would often enter the family dynamics: guilt that the kids are being somehow neglected and disposable income to spend to alleviate that guilt.
Overly broad characterizations to be sure. Every dadbot has their unique experience.
MarkO
I think chopper parenting is a neat metaphor but upon a deep sigh, and MO’s remarks, I think it connotes more than it is–(great topic nonetheless Geoff). Perhaps the Asian tiger mom is the more committed metaphor. Playdates. Playdates!! (yelling it like “playoffs”–New Orleans coach, Jim Mora, press conference). Playdates are merely parents sharing the load. Parents drop them off like water softener salt and head out for their own “playtime”. I distinctly remember a “daycare” operation at Minocqua Winter Park XC center. My wife and I would usually take turns playing with the kiddos in the snow, but with daycare—hey we could ski together. Uhmm….No. I took one look at the ratio and the beleaguered 16 yr. old in charge of too many little ones and said…I think I’ll stay here and help. Was this chopper parenting? Am I incredibly principled, smart, unselfish? Well, ahem, now that I think about it, I am pretty darn….
Seriously, I was just an older parent—we started the fam when I was 35, so no high horse. But it does give me cause to reinforce the drop off the kids like a sack of potatoes metaphor. There were plenty of parents quickly introducing us to Josh, Emma, Alex and Zach and exiting stage left, in less than 60 seconds. So ‘No’ I don’t think chopper parenting was a substantial movement. I’d follow that up with the observation that many kids, either of our generation, or just after, were so infatuated with themselves that they decided to skip having kids altogether. I forget, which generation was the “me” generation? I have no data to support what I just said. Just a lot of cousins who lament the fact their kids aren’t having kids.
There is that altruistic parent that volunteers at school, coaches all kinds of stuff, attends most events—I call this due diligence, nothing meriting award. Except for those that volunteer at school doing something that really takes a lot of inertia to get started on. For example, helping disabled kids, these people have my respect. (I ain’t one of ‘em).
I’ve often thought it was one of the allures of divorce, why it is so prevalent. 50% more time to self. More or less, depending on the partner. When, they’re gone, they’re gone.
Then there is the parent, hate to say this, but usually the Mrs., who sees the kids as another fashion accessory. The WSJ had story on this 15 years ago—you can imagine the image, tow head kids….smart outfits…she with Louis Vuitton hand bag and Hermes scarf.
-Dave
Aieeeee. Two great topics — Phase 1 vs. Phase 2 boomers — and laissez-faire vs. helicopter parenting. Oh, and music, too.
Drawn from my pot-addled memories of the Dazed and Confused high school experience that I shared with Mark M and our late buddy Gorman are scenes where our parents seemed fairly clueless about what we were actually doing.
I still remember Mark’s dad being somewhat bemused when he caught us ruthlessly raiding the Mamerow family fridge, descending like locusts, piling the kitchen table with ice cream, pickles, ham, spaghetti… Little did he know we had a crazed case of munchies because we had just smoked a ton of weed while aimlessly cruising around in his Plymouth. “Pickles, man, lotsa pickles here ….hahahaha…” I think I said to him….
If our parents really knew what we were up to, they may have started whirring those chopper blades. Eh, maybe not. Like Mark O. says, helicoptering is a luxury enjoyed by parents with more money and less offspring than our parents had.
As the 70’s stumbled on, we graduated to better parties at UW-Madison. The more cynical “right to party” ethos of us late boomers was a quick de-evolution from 60’s utopian idealism as Nam was no longer an issue and the US economy fell apart. Remember some of the left-over hippies talking through megaphones on the square or working as TA’s in your classes? They seemed kinda sad and lost, like dinosaurs nearing extinction, relics of a bygone era. Weird, they were only a few years older than us.
Fast-forward to now. To my kids, the 60’s and 70’s are pretty much the same. They and their friends love the music from those decades; in fact they listen to a lot of the music we first listened to back in the day. Interesting. Did you ever listen to your folks’ Perry Como records? Nahh. Maybe that bit of helicoptering we did had some benefits. IDK. I do know I’ve generally enjoyed hanging out with my kids and have tried to do so as much as possible. I think putting in that time is way better than Laissez-faire parenting.
DC