Kickass and Returns and Exchanges by Bill Stokes

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, assists the keeper in this season of grand holiday returns and exchanges, and suggests the following for Wisconsin:

Though he is far beyond the warranty date, Ron Johnson–due to manufacturing flaws, is to be returned for cash, which in his case is about 35 cents.

Anticipating a return refusal, Johnson is then to be exchanged with Arizona for defeated gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake who will then be traded to Denver for a 2023 draft selection.

Those dimwitted Repubs who signed the illegal 2022 Wisconsin election return certificates will be traded for a dozen eggs that are beyond the expiration date. The rotten eggs, according to his request, are to be delivered by Johnson.

Wisconsin’s supine court is to be re-packaged and put into service at return counters and maternity admission desks throughout the state.

The gerrymandering that keeps in place minority representation in Wisconsin–see public opinion on birthing issues, will neither be returned or exchanged but put into the trash, or at least recycled along with women’s suffrage and slavery.

Wisconsin’s motto of “Forward” is to be returned in favor of one that says “Prost!”