National Photo Company Collection, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper and Phyllis are apparently in that population dynamic—old with modest disposable income, that potential marketers view as prime territory judging by the avalanche of junk mail they send. Recently the keeper received a thick 850-page catalog addressed to him by name and identifying him as “Manager of shipping dept” at Vista West where he and Phyllis reside. The catalog offered thousands of items in the “monumental safety” category, including “Do Not Forklift” and “This Side Up,” signs, as well as spill trays for steel drums and industrial toilet paper holders.
Let the record show that the keeper is resigning from the job that he never had, which creates a fictional job opening for anyone qualified to be manager of a nonexistent shipping department.
In the meantime, since the keeper is “out of work” and prone to questionable ranting, he is qualified to run for political office and places his name in contention for dog catcher, a position that no longer exists as originally conceived.
VOTE!
