User:Nino Barbieri, CC BY-SA 2.5, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, passes along the keeper’s carefully researched conclusion that the end of the “civilized” world will not come from running out of water or food, or by crashing into another planet, or by burning up in wildfires, or by drowning in floods, or by self-annihilating warfare.
All of these are distinct possibilities and are already happening across large sections of the planet, but what will ultimately fuel world doomsday will of course be the package industry finally developing packaging that is impossible to open, produces mountainous waste, and finally encompasses the entire planet in one huge bubble-wrap that is immune to any protective ozone layer and cannot be opened by any means.
The insidious nature of the packaging industry knows no bounds, and it is one of the main attractions of thrift and second-hand stores where most of the for-sale items have somehow been unpackaged by previous owners.
The out-of-control packaging people have created a garbage collection and waste disposal world bigger than “the military-industrial complex,” and there is no Eisenhower around to warn about it.
The keeper steps into the void: “The end is near! The sky is falling, and it is full of packaging garbage! Get your life in order!”
