Kickass and '32 Chevy by Bill Stokes

New York Public Library, No restrictions, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, once again assists the keeper in sharing past experiences that may be of value in the current flow of absurdity and stampeding technology, by detailing the night the battery fell out of his ’32 Chevy as he and his cousin Rob were speeding toward a hoped-for rendezvous with some of the Rice Lake girls.

When a rusted-out battery carrier suddenly gives out beneath the floorboards, a ’32 Chevy is immediately converted from a gas/electric vehicle to one of gas-only; and the driver is left hurtling blindly through the night wondering just what the hell happened and hoping the mechanical brakes get things stopped before there is a serious collision with a tree or a stray cow.

While night-driving without headlights might be a positive learning experience in accepting new vehicular technology, it is not recommended by the keeper. Better to stay home and remember how that same ’32 Chevy was wont to “runaway” from its clutch-popping parking place on the driveway hill and crash into the silo, thus refashioning its front fenders and threatening its erratic six-volt headlights.

The keeper is not comfortable with the current vehicular technology whereby his computerized vehicle seems to know before he does just when he needs to make a bathroom stop, and then talks to him about it. His rusting personal battery carrier may be involved here, and the threat of his battery falling out may figure into the keeper’s increasing discomfort with night driving.

Home sweet home—especially after the sun goes down!