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Featuring the Fabulous Dadbots
Mark Mamerow, Dave. S., Mark O., Dennis Curley, and Geoff Carter
Hello Bots,
I found this article fascinating in an almost schadenfreude sort of way… (taking pleasure in other’s woes…usually an enemy or excessively privileged one…but not always—no one in our respective purviews is immune from schadenfreude).
So many animals…and fishes…and birds…and insects…and plants…and coral and…to share the planet with…mostly we humans are coming around on this…that is, us card-carrying members of the enlightened snowflakes club…and I do applaud this in an ascent of man sort of way. Yet when I see a hypocrisy, I like to point it out. We can’t adore the Scarlet Tanagers, while turning a blind eye to the ubiquitous starling… seagull….and yes, the feral hog which all deserve their day in court. Sometimes you hear the refrain: “they’re not native…so and so brought them over and with no natural predators their populations exploded” (carp come to the surface). Of course, the hypocrisy there is that all species migrate. Look no further than oneself.
Interested in your takes…if so inclined.
NY Times: The Rampaging Pigs of the San Francisco Bay Area
-Dave.
As Kurtz wrote, in Heart of Darkness: Exterminate all the brutes!
–Mark M.
“Turning now to feral hogs”. Ha. Awesome segue, Dave. And an interesting conundrum re. animal rights. Do some animals have more rights than other animals?
I contemplated this last summer when I found a large community of wasps (the insects, not the Anglo-Saxon Protestants) developing a condo complex inside the frame of my bathroom window. My daughter, Hannah, a kind young woman and an avowed animal lover who rarely eats meat, demanded immediate eviction of the wasps by any means necessary. I’ll spare you the gory details, but I killed, or rather “exterminated”, that entire community of wasps.
I was actually rather guilt-ridden about it. I mused upon wasp consciousness and imagined that the Bathroom Window Community was now a lost city of wasp legend, like Troy or Atlantis or Sodom and Gomorrah. Perhaps a few forlorn wasps managed to escape my deadly scourge. They lived on to tell the tale of the wondrous City of Light filled with enlightened wasp beings who had solved the mysteries of the universe — only to be destroyed before those mysteries could be shared with the rest of the world. Or perhaps the escaped wasps told of a City of Wasps that had lost its way—where deviant wasps danced like honeybees and dressed like butterflies.The angry Wasp Lord punished them for their sinful wickedness — raining fire and brimstone down upon them.
After the wasp extermination, bein’ in a killin’ mood and such, I continued on with my murderous spree. In the backyard, with lopping shears and chainsaw, I once again confronted my longtime foe. “So we meet again, Mr. Buckthorn,” I said and proceeded to tear apart ol’ Buckthorn limb by limb…
We humans definitely confer more rights and privileges upon certain species. What makes a species charismatic to humans? Cuteness and scarcity I suppose, maybe a certain majestic quality – like polar bears or blue whales. But if a species tastes good and grows fast they end up lower on the pecking order—like the humble chicken. … Or the pig.
Ah, the ignoble pig—much maligned and oh so tasty. I’m thinking that feral pigs probably have a lot more fun than domestic pigs in a CAFO. After all, feral hogs get to run around eating acorns and California sinsemilla and tearing up suburban lawns. If they have “one bad day” when they are hunted and killed, isn’t that better than life cooped-up in a crap-filled pen until the ride to the slaughterhouse?
In conclusion, I’d just like to point out this catchy headline torn from the pages of the New York Times because:
1.It’s also about animal rights
2. It is such an un-NYTimes-like headline
NYTimes: Questions Remain After Highway Crash Involving Monkeys
–Dennis
Hey Dennis,
What a gripping tale about the destruction of Waspem and Beemorrah! But I do believe you left out a critical piece of the narrative.
Dennis said, “The outcry against Waspem and Beemorrah is so great and their sin so grievous that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me. If not, I will know.”
The girlfriend of Dennis remained standing before her daddy. She said: “Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? What if there are fifty righteous insects in the city? Will you really sweep it away and not spare the place for the sake of the fifty righteous bugs in it? Far be it from you to do such a thing—to kill the righteous with the wicked, treating the righteous and the wicked alike. Far be it from you!”
Dennis said, “If I find fifty righteous wasps in the city of Waspem, I will spare the whole place for their sake.”
Then the paramour of Dennis spoke up again: “Now that I have been so bold as to speak to your Mightiness, though I am nothing but dust and ashes, what if the number of the righteous is five less than fifty? Will you destroy the whole city for lack of five insects?”
“If I find forty-five there,” he said, “I will not destroy it.”
This went on for a while. In the tradition of the Old Testament, it became repetitious. But in his all-knowing omnipotence, Dennis could not find even TEN wasps that had not committed crimes against nature and abominations against the Lord. So, he got out the can of Raid and had his way with the entire city. Woe unto any who turned around and looked as Dennis rained sulfur and fire upon the colony. They would be turned into a pillar of salt! Dennis, are there any unexplained pillars of salt in your yard, and/or missing individuals in your household?
I’d like to point out, also, that you could have called the Austin Bee Lady. She’s an attractive blond who moves large colonies of bees without harming them. Sounds like it might have been worth the money! She has become a YouTube star. Check this link or look for Austin Bee Lady on YouTube.
YouTube: Bee Lady of Austin
–Mark M.
Damn, I wish she was the Austin, Minnesota Bee Lady. I’d invite her to move my hive any day. I guess I’d have to recruit some bees to join my conspiracy first.
How the hell did we arrive here from feral hogs? I don’t know but I like it.
–Mark O
Tardy here lads,
…Ya’ll may recall I take umbrage when folks say LOL and they really didn’t…well…just the opposite here…every time I read the line in Dennis’ saga: “being in a killin’ mood and such” and the ensuing ritualistic buckthorn slaughter….I really do LOL….even read it to my wife—you have a gift Dennis….with the right publisher you could be swimmin’ in it. It helps that I know your baritone…almost gravelly voice which goes off in my mind as I read your e-mails and fits like a glove for this dark character…. in the privacy of his fenced in yard….blank look in his eyes….loppers in hand. And your low voice is also a gift…others have to work hard for that—2 packs a day for decades…wish I could’ve heard you sing Surfin’ Jesus live back in the day—MM may have given me a cassette of it…not sure…he’s prolific (and selfless) about sharing music.
As far as nasty insects, I’d like to to elevate ya’ll consciousness of the common Hornet. Characteristics of an apex predator in that it stings without provocation, and it is not a one and doner—10 rounds in its magazine. It is mostly black…not like those almost cuddly, croissant like bronze honeybees and wasps many have befriended. You don’t see many hornet whisperers out there?… now do ya? But my number one my OMG! list of Hornet attributes is the ever so thin, yet apparently plenty strong body part that connects the head/thorax to the abdomen, much like a Caterpillar articulating “scraper”. So precarious the thin connection, especially given the rigors of aviation. Besides the usual insect antennae, translucent wings and spindly legs—they have (6)—their bodies are essentially (2) big blobs ….connected by….(drumroll… ): behold, the Petiole!
Wasps are similar, but not bees.
(Usually Hornets are a black or a menacing, very dark green—mine are here in Madison—the variety below belies that but was best I could find to ID the petiole….other relevant images that pop up below).
So there ya have it.
Wait…one more thing, speaking of insects I watched 2 decent movies recently:
1. Dune—would like to see it on a big screen, felt they used crazy special effects as plot mechanisms, not in replacement of an actual tale. The tellthere is they don’t let the camera dwell on the CGI. They did have a ‘plane’ in there which was a dragon fly in so many ways.
2. Don’t Look Up. An overdue parody of the days we live in. Cate Blanchette isunrecognize-able, (save for her figure)—due to fake Biden like teeth she wore for her role as am talk show host: “The Rip”. Her smarmy cohost—Tyler Perry is great too…Jonah Hill plays a Presidential press secretary—arrogant know it all. And those are just the bit actors.
-Dave.
Hey Bots,
It was funny reading about the hogs and the Glendale massacre at Dennis’ house. I was reminded of our friend Simon Rabinowitz who used to “rehabilitate” spiders he found in the house by taking them outside. I was also reminded of the introduction of rabbits for hunting in Australia—and how they took over the joint. Of course, bunnies are cuter than eight-hundred-pound hogs. I also started thinking about the feared extinctions of rain forest species before they could even be properly catalogued and how much mankind ends up fucking up the environment. Our climate is practically ruined; our pollinators are at extreme risk, and every day more and more of our rain forests disappear. Thank God for the Bee Lady.
As an aside—speaking of movies and the Bee Lady—did you guys ever see Invasion of the Bee Girls? About a swarm of chemically transformed women who seduce men to death by stinging them during sex? (That’ll make ‘em crawl up, eh?)
Anyway, during the first days of quarantine (now if that doesn’t sound like an old fart telling a story by the hot stove), I remember seeing videos of how wild beasts were exploring now-deserted city streets all over the world. Penguins were sauntering through the streets of Johannesburg. Monkeys invaded government buildings in the Asian subcontinent. Elk wandered Canadian boulevards. It made me wonder whose planet it is, anyway? Do we have a right to kill creatures for wrecking our lawns? Can I shoot those damned kids who are always on my lawn?
I also—bear with my wanderings—started thinking about The Overstory, a novel I recently read about trees and their relationships to some humans. It’s a great read. It prompted me to do some research about how trees and plants communicate through fungal networks in their roots, take care of each other, and even possibly have their own hierarchies. Here’s a couple articles you may find interesting:
Scientific American: Mother Trees are Intelligent: They Learn and Remember
Smithsonian Magazine: Do Trees Talk to Each Other?
And in terms of cuddly and endearing animals, what’s less cute than a tree? All it does it stand there and grow. It’s too stupid to do anything. Get Dennis over here with his chainsaws and shoot. Let’s build us a fire.
Maybe Dennis is right, maybe there is a wasp mythology. Maybe the feral pigs are unionizing. Maybe the homeowners complaining about the pigs uprooting their golf courses and backyards need to stop and take a look at the trees and the hornets and the flowers and the bees. They might be listening—and planning.
Later gators, Geoff
(Also, I agree with Dave about Don’t Look Up—it’s a great parody. Mark Ryland as the Steve Jobs/Elon Musk type techno billionaire guru was exceptional. All the acting is great.)
___________
Yeah man, The Overstory is an incredible novel! Amazing prose, great storytelling. Best novel I read all year.
And Don’t Look Up – yes! Brutally funny parody. Dennis