Photo by Josh Hild on Unsplash
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper and Phyllis were among those at the recent coffee-with-a-cop breakfast at Vista West; and both came away well-fed and comforted by the reassurance that while the Madison police are very reluctant to get involved in cases of cheating at Scrabble; they are not hesitant in responding to the many more serious issues that threaten the keeper’s “vintage” age group.
Captain Timothy Patton and other officers talked of how stats show a decline in all Madison crime categories except car theft; and they reviewed preventive tactics appropriate to everyone, particularly the elderly: simple things like never leaving keys in the ignition, and never reacting to an offending driver, and moving confidently in parking lots, and not hesitating near cart storage places when there appears to be someone waiting for Godot.
Thanks to the efforts of former chief David Couper and many others, the Madison police force has been on the cutting edge of meeting the impossible cop demands of transitioning from simply keeping the peace to functioning as mother-doctor-psychiatrist-social worker and arbiters of the impossible; and doing all of this while facing a flood of deadly, illegal guns.
The keeper could not qualify to be a cop these days: he has neither the patience nor the judgement for the job; and in keeping with the namesake of his dog, he would be too inclined to address behavior problems by kicking asses, perhaps some of them belonging to joy-riding young car thieves.
