slgckgc, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper hasn’t been so let down by a commemorative day since boyhood Christmas gifts of socks and underwear replaced BB guns and toys: The 2022 Groundhog Day was a real bummer in that it passed by with no mention of the Sun Prairie groundhog of 2015 that bit mayor Johnathon Freund on the ear, thus making every TV news show in the country.
With live footage of a wild animal biting the ear of a politician—albeit a minor one, it is mind boggling that the 2015 plot example was not swept up by copycat show business types; and that the airways have not since been flooded with spinoffs of groundhogs, and perhaps even other creatures, gnawing at the ears and other protrusions of politicians’ bodies in nonsense weather prediction skits, or to simply incur physical/political pain.
The keeper plans a campaign to be on next year’s Groundhog Day planning committee; and he will be working on a commemoration skit to include an ill-tempered badger biting Sen. Johnson’s face in a manner that calls for treatment to stitch Johnson’s mouth shut.
An alternative animal-politician-weather show would be a Wisconsin bear snapping the brainless head off Vos or some other Repub who favors Wisconsin being the ONLY state allowing summer training of hounds, and who also believes the great orange lying narcissist should still be POTUS.
The keeper sees his shadow now—or is it Phyllis’s; and so he will be napping for at least the next six weeks.
