Tyler Merbler from USA, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
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By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, having researched the growing inclination of people to put their own spin on things they see “with their own eyes,” suggests that in the interest of lessening the political divide, the following be accepted as historical fact:
One. The 9-11-01 Twin Tower disaster that killed 3,000 was simply part of an elaborate New York air show.
Two. The Holocaust that killed millions was a German tourism promotion to encourage physical fitness of the working class.
Three. World War II that killed 50 million or so was a corporate- sponsored, global summer encampment for wayward youth.
Four. The Covid pandemic that is currently killing hundreds of thousands, is a medical plan by Dr. Fauci and others to encourage people to stay home and snack.
Five. Mike Lindell’s words that “Trump uses pillows to walk on water” replaces the phrase: E Pluribus Unum wherever it appears.
Six. The Jan, 6, 2021 assault on the US Capitol that killed a half dozen or so was a friendly rehearsal by eager shoppers planning to take advantage of upcoming Walmart specials.
The keeper would add that the phrase “I saw it with my own eyes,” should be immediately stricken from the language, and replaced with, “I see London, I see France, I see your stupid underpants!”
The keeper will be resting now.
