Winter Solstice Sunrise 2010 by Sian Lindsey, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, listened as the keeper interviewed the shortest day of the year (SDOY):
Keeper: “So how did you end up as the shortest day of the year?”
SDOY: “Daylight started to leak out through a big hole in the Earth’s atmosphere of intelligence, and it would have totally disappeared if it hadn’t been for my use of political duck tape.”
Keeper: “Don’t you mean ‘duct tape’?”
SDOY: “No, ‘Duct tape’ is used to fix things; ‘Duck tape’ is used by politicians to duck out of fixing things, especially in the dark, which is why daylight was disappearing until I put a stop to it.”
Keeper: “How did you do that?”
SDOY: “I simply distributed duck tape among the politicians, especially the Republicans, along with one Democrat named Manchin, and I ended up with barely enough daylight to find a pot to pea in.”
Keeper: “Don’t you mean ‘pee in’?”
SDOY: “Stop correcting me! I mean ‘pea’ as in the pea under the seven mattresses that Manchin sleeps on with Princess Coal.”
Keeper: “So tomorrow will have more daylight than you?”
SDOY: “A couple of minutes, and you should use them to fix your Kickass blog!”
Keeper: “I’ll need duck tape.”
