Kickass and Love a Dummy


Becker1999 from Grove City, OH
CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

By Bill Stokes

Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper takes a journalistic handoff from the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson who wonders how stupid America can get and still survive, and runs with it by suggesting not only an answer to Eugene’s question, but a possible corrective measure: It is called “LOVE A DUMMY,” and as the title implies, it requires that those who accept that the Earth is round socially and emotionally embrace someone who believes it is flat.

Joining the LOVE A DUMMY movement will not be an easy thing to do, the keeper notes, and will require inviting the likes of your unvaccinated, evangelical “let-‘em-die” Prude-Boy Uncle Louie to a sit-down dinner complete with tableware so he does not eat with his hands, as is his custom.

Considering that the extent of the country’s stupidity now has in place gerrymandered minority rule, a filibuster allowing one person to block decency, untaxed big money and corporate narcissism totally running the show, all with the dummies’ approval, the LOVE A DUMMY challenge seems insurmountable.

The keeper suggests to first reject various truths, such as two-plus-two equaling four. Tell yourself it does not: two-plus-two equals five, or maybe three, depending on if you can see over the rim of the Democracy dumpster. 

Thinking of alternatives to the LOVE A DUMMY movement, descends immediately into dark places, and it is the keeper’s sad conclusion that if there is any hope for coexisting with the dummies, it lies in loving them, not condescendingly, but forthrightly and honestly; and quite frankly, the keeper is not sure he is up to it.

If, however, he cannot join his own LOVE A DUMMY movement, he might as well jump off the edge of the Earth.

Artwork by Michael DiMilo
Photo by Bill Stokes

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