Corey Coyle, CC BY 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper, citing for authority the fact that he had a Norwegian mother, passes along the inside dope on the romantic tryst between the Capital Square statues of Hans Christian Hegg and Miss Forward.
Both statues were reportedly removed for repairs after being damaged during the George Floyd riots; and were recently returned to their original locations on the Square.
At least that is the official accounting, which is a total fabrication.
What really happened is that Hans, a heroic Civil War General, put a romantic Norwegian move on Miss Forward and the two of them disappeared into the tourist haze of Wisconsin’s Lake Delton where they shacked up in a motel until they were exposed by jealous republican housekeepers.
Under the heading of “Useful information,” the keeper passes along the opening gambit Hans used to charm Miss Forward—the State’s official symbol: “For a stony woman, you have a really soft heart!”
Norwegians are noted for their smooth talk, and several years ago the keeper used his half-Norwegian talent to court Phyllis by telling her: “For a husky girl, you don’t sweat much.”
Its an old line from an old joke, but it worked: Phyllis, like Miss Forward, is in her rightful place, and the keeper and General Hegg couldn’t be happier.
