Photo by Robert Linder on Unsplash
By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, supports the keeper in his efforts to adjust to the absurdity of “minority rule” whereby gerrymandered Republican narcissists have locked themselves in what might be considered—judging from odious emissions–the political/public outhouses, thus denying all kinds of relief to a desperate public.
That earthy analogy reminds the keeper of a long-ago summer job when he participated in the questionable road-crew prank of sneaking up on a gravel-pit privy and tipping it over on its door to trap the unsuspecting occupant inside.
As it is recalled, the occupant was ultimately freed when the outhouse was tipped back upright, but he was not a happy outhouse user; and the keeper amuses himself by comparing him to the likes of Vos and Johnson and Fitzgerald and McConnell and Prehn and McCarthy and all the insensitive clods who are now in there with the door locked as the public suffers in crossed-legged misery.
That there is a move to tip things over on the arrogant official outhouse occupants is undeniable, but it is agonizingly slow, and in the meantime, the keeper thinks it might be useful—in the mode of “Proudboys” or “Boogaloo Boys,” to give a name to those now locked in and selfishly calling the political comfort-station shots. Something like “Gerry Jerks,”or “Filibuster Bums,” are possibilities, but the keeper keeps coming back to the obvious, and settles on a term used effectively by the military: “Shitbirds.”
The approach of Halloween, with its history of outhouse mischief, seems to make tipping over some of the official outhouses an alluring possibility, with the shitbirds inside, of course.
