Pets Adviser from Brooklyn, USA, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
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By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, tries to sort through the keeper’s observation that if humans had not evolved as dominant, some other species might be setting human hunting quotas and deciding other human population control issues.
Had wolves evolved to the top spot, it follows that the human carrying capacity of Wisconsin might be capped at several thousand; and means put in place to reduce the human herd to an appropriate level. If this were to involve brutal family related machinations and cruel “harvest” techniques, that would simply be the playing out of a Darwinian quirk. Under its guise, it is possible to imagine grandma suffering prolonged agony caught in a leg-hold trap, or junior shot and skinned to make a wall hanging.
With humans not occupying the top spot, the Westminster Dog Show would likely be replaced by something like a Miss Universe competition whereby leashed humans are trotted around an arena by serious wolves, or maybe by braying jackasses should they emerge at the top of the ladder, which seems entirely possible given current trends.
Kickass would suggest therapy for the keeper, but he—Kickass, rather fancies that wolves-in-charge fantasy.
