Erik Drost, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons
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By Bill Stokes
Kickass, the doorstop dog, reports that the keeper is in receipt of a decoded message from outer space that reads as follows:
“The entire population of that Earth country claiming to be among the most enlightened, once again gathered in the first darkness of an early July night and collectively starred up into the sky as huge colored explosive devices lite things up and scared the living bejesus out of innocent dogs from coast to coast.
“Should an alien force ever choose to assume control of the US and planet Earth, this inane early July ritual might offer the best opportunity, perhaps second only to Thanksgiving when the US Earth citizenry is too stuffed with turkey and dressing to do anything but nap.“
“While ignoring the comedic aspects of an avowed intelligent species gawking up at exploding chemicals, the collective alien community hereby reiterates its hands-off policy in the interests of seeing just what the hell stupid Earth thing will evolve next: whatever it is, it will doubtless add to the inevitable destruction of Earth; and the outer-space community can only hope that when it happens it will produce a Galactic skyrocket worthy of alien ‘Ohs’ and ‘Ahs’.”
Kickass, in the meantime, will be under the porch, chewing on an old bone and waiting for the echoes of the last 2021 firecracker to fade off into the distance.
