Divine Intervention

Artwork by Michael DiMilo

By Geoff Carter

During the Spike Lee movie Jungle Fever, the character Gator is so badly addicted to crack that he breaks into and robs his parents’ apartment. For his father, it is the last straw in a prolonged and agonizing struggle to wrest his son’s soul from the clutches of crack cocaine, and he finally snaps. It’s a story we’ve heard all too often—families who are at their wit’s end when trying to rehabilitate their children from drug addiction, cults, or—even worse, politics. 

We’re seeing a cultlike addiction affecting some of our citizens today. They’ve invested in all sorts of insane beliefs, like the assertion Bill Gates has implanted trackers in Covid-19 vaccines, or that a cult of Satan-worshiping Democrats and Hollywood celebrities is engaged in the human trafficking, sexual abuse, and murder of children—as well as drinking their blood.            

People have believed—and still believe—this tripe to the point where they have acted on it. One armed zealot raided a pizzeria that had been identified as trafficking center. Dozens more invaded the Capitol Building last January, believing they were saving democracy, somehow rationalizing that to do so, they needed to kidnap members of Congress, execute them, and then hang the Vice-President. If all this wasn’t bad enough, this infection has now found its way into mainstream politics. 

A significant number of Republican senators and representatives voted to overturn the last presidential election during the January 6^th certification of the Electoral Vote. Marjory Taylor-Green, a newly minted Georgia congresswoman, has stated she believes the Sandy Hook and Stoneman Douglas school massacres were faked and that a Jewish-controlled space laser was responsible for starting last year’s California wildfires. She has not been censured or even reprimanded by her party. They seem willing to live with it. So, what we do?

Perhaps we could impose an intervention to help these victims see how much they are hurting their loved ones, their country, and themselves. While they are typically reserved for addicts, and perhaps–in this case–deprogramming might be a better option, an intervention for our troubled Republicans might be worth a shot. 

If some of them love their country as much as they say they do, and if they truly want to understand the concept of democracy, maybe an intervention conducted by great Republicans like Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Dwight D. Eisenhower, and John McCain would help them see reason. Were they confronted with these great figures from the distant and recent past, these Neo-fascists—like Ebenezer Scrooge—just might start realizing the harm they are doing to their country—and themselves. 

The Intervention

A typical Republican congressman/woman and a moderator are sitting on a couch. Abe Lincoln, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John McCain, and Teddy Roosevelt file into the room. 

REPUB: What’s going on here? Who are these people?

MODERATOR: I’m here to moderate an intervention with you. 

REPUB: What for?

MOD: I don’t know if you realize it, but your words and actions have been very harmful to both the Republican Party and to your country. We’ve decided we need to help you think about what you’re doing and to see how much we’d like to have you back.

REPUB: What are you talking about?

TR: We’re talking about the idiocy coming out of your mouth! We’re talking about lies! We’re talking about the way you hurt your own constituency! You cheat them, shortchange them, and belittle them. You hate your own people!

REP: What? No, I—

TR: You don’t ignore their health needs? You don’t ignore the fact their children are murdered? In their own schools? You, sir, are a popinjay. I ought to teach you a lesson myself!

DDE: Take it easy, Teddy. I’m sure he doesn’t realize what he’s doing. He must not have known that the people he encouraged to march to the Capitol Building were Neo-Nazis? Am I right?

REP: Well, I knew some of them were part of those sorts of extremist groups…

DDE: You know, son, nearly three hundred thousand Americans died fighting fascism during World War II. I know. I was there. I commanded them. They liberated the Nazi concentration camps and freed hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women, and children. They were fighting the very forces, the fascism, that you are encouraging. You should be ashamed. That is not what American, or the Republican Party, is about. 

REP: Those aren’t really the same things.

DDE: But they are. Remember, son. In that war, if you’d sided with the Nazis, you would’ve been one of the enemy; you’d have been shot. Nothing is different today.

AL: You know, son, I had to fight a war, too. I didn’t want to. No sane person ever wants to fight a war. But in some cases, it’s unavoidable. We fought to keep the Union together. And for freedom, to end slavery. Hundreds of thousands more died for your freedom, just as they did in Dwight’s case here. 

REP: I don’t know. You guys don’t understand what it’s like today, the pressures I’m under. The voters, you know, the…

JM: It’s okay, son. You can say it. You’re among friends.

REP: (whispers) The Trump base. They’re everywhere and we can’t get rid of them. I have to do what they say. I have to. 

TR: No, you don’t! Stand up on your hind legs and act like a man!

DDE: You are a Republican. That stands for something—or at least it used to. 

AL: That’s right. We stood up for The Constitution. “A country by the people, for—”

TR: Yeah, okay, we get it, Abe. The question is, boy—do you?

REP: I don’t know. It’s hard. 

JM: We know that. It’s not easy doing the right thing. Abe did it. Dwight did it, and Teddy did it. I did it, too. I actually voted against my own party. 

REP: My God!

JM: It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t free, but it was the right thing to do. We have to go now. Think about what we said. Think about what we did. 

(As they fade out…)

TR: Do the right thing!!

AL: Amen.

DDE: Amen.

REP: Oh, shit.